scott

Bob Brown's lecture today was wonderful.

2009-04-28T12:29:53Z

"Forget about other policies for a moment: if you don't vote Green then you are supporting the coal industry, the burning of coal, the destruction of our forests".

---

In other news, DVD is on its last render as we speak!

video help?

2009-04-19T14:06:26Z

So I'm trying to encode and then convert AVIs to DVD, and finding myself more than a bit lost..... pun intended. Yep, I'm singing the codec blues. Anyone got any tips other than 'start with the highest quality file you can'? Any favourite codecs? Settings for those codecs?

Half of my source files are coming from hardware, the other two are coming from a) MPEG4 @ DivX 5 3350kbps, and b) XViD @ 4674 kbps {both 30fps and 5:4 ratio, of course}.

2007 year in review

2009-04-10T04:09:03Z

2007 year in review

It has taken me over 12 months to get this online… but finally,
here is whom i was, in 2007.

.

January

My year started off with humble beginnings. After a post-christmas high, and after a great (if quiet) new years with my girl, I was feeling good about a lot of things. I guess I had a lot to look forwards to.
I was enjoying the freedom that comes from part-time work - happily working at the tea house where I made a few great friends… like Alexi and Kenneth, Ana and Adam. Uni was about to start (I had finally found out that I was back in), and a few big changes were on the horizon. Syntax got some good support including some kind support from the PAiN diskmag.
I had been vegetarian since the turn of the year; and whilst it didn’t mean a big change physically, there were still a few days where I had to watch myself. I was riding – occasionally – and still playing soccer.
But by and far, it was a month most remembered for being in love. And whilst we were still finding our feet emotionally (insecurities about ex’s, trusting etc), we always managed to talk through things an we always came out on top. Lots of coupley things, lots of lazing about - lots of just being us. Joy found out that she had got into uni; and that was a great thing.

February

Ups and downs a lot in February.

I was quite buys and a hot month meant not a lot of riding, but soccer and friends were on my mind a lot. I had a few things on Sundays so I couldn’t play soccer so much… I remember buying new gloves one Saturday morning and it cheered me up. I was starting to feel a bit distant from my friends, not to mention family and spirituality. Conversely, playing soccer with Joy was one of my happiest memories in years.
February was a month of weddings. First Jacqui (Joy’s friend), then my roommate Emma. Bother were wonderful days and it was great to see a few friendly faces/old roommates at the latter.
Joy’s work had started with the school year, and it was intensely… no… confusingly busy. I could never explain my first experiences of the place – it was like being hit with a torrent of kids and paper, a jackhammer of nervous parents. Little wonder it was so taxing. I helped out where I could - cleaning tables, packing lunches, and talking a website for them – which in the end proved far more laborious than I assumed. I also enrolled in the Vietnamese classes there, alongside many 5 year olds, whom I would soon teach….

Like I hinted at earlier, I was starting to miss bits of me that made me “me”. Friends were a big one – and my soccer team would soon split up - due to artistic differences of all things – after years. Family was another thing drifting. That said, I did see my brother (and his girl) for a wonderful night of italianness. Joy and I also made a Ballarat trip – just long enough to touch base with the parents and quickly meet mum’s new kitten, Charlotte.

But we had each other, and that counted for a lot. Everything wasn’t butterflies and sunshine; and because of the aforementioned inadequacies, I felt a little bit off balance most of the time. After managing to screw up Valentine’s day (contrived plans and a miscommunication), thankfully our 3 month anniversary was a whole lot more romantic – a perfect day of flowers and a lovely dinner, a big band and even a cute cat that played with us for ½ an hour. I was glad to finally get my custom scrabble board finished (with a little help) for her.

Chinese New Year happened, and I wrote this about it:

Chinese New Year was a bigger-than-ben-hur kind of a day. It was also one of the most awesome days I’ve had in absolutely ages. Big temples, little temples, temples in people’s houses, Chinese temples, Viet temples, social temples, reverent temples, quiet temples.
Traveling, doing family-esque stuffs, and observing. It was kind of cool to spend most of it in a separate car, with just her, and her brother. Things with my girl were also especially good; after one of those big, serious talks the night before. We felt especially fresh and lucky to be with each other. So yeah, it all went smoothly. I met "Jack" and "Jill": a cute, very kindly sort of elderly couple..... Cute, hey? The day was great. We took photos, met friends, relaxed, and ate really, really, seriously good banana-leaf-flavoured sticky rice "cake" thing. Add a nice walk over a warm sunset with sprinkley rain.... awesome.

March

Uni had started again and final year study proved busy, but really good. Rob (my new teacher) and I were starting to get to know each other better. It was this month I read the writings of Attali, and was inspired by the scores of Sabine. Rob and I talked a lot about finding a voice, and I felt like I was really getting the hang of this composer thing… I even had a few things to say.
My social life was still unbalanced, or at least I sensed that I was becoming unbalanced. I booked myself in to see a counselor about it, but by the time the appointment came around, I’d forgotten why I was unhappy. I knew that joy was unhappy (her uni was lots of work, programs and tutoring 4 days a week meant work was frantic and unrelenting) and not knowing what to do about it was killing me.
Good times were spent buying cheese, playing board games, and antipasto. It took an enormous amount of effort to finish a mediocre website for her work. We were living together (mostly out of convenience she moved into the spare room), there were disputes, but talking. I spent a lot of time indoors this month.
In the midst of was Joy’s birthday, which was a good nite out… and the catch up with Chris (spent watching animations at E55) was really good.

April

I only did two blog posts in April. In short, I was losing me.

Uni was enjoyable but it was also difficult, or at least it was a lot of work. Even though I wasn’t very good at it, I enjoyed Peter Neville’s rhythmic devices classes, where we got to listen to Steve Reich and Vartinaa. Pop Song Writing (with Mark) was hard (I still remember tirelessly trying to belt out #1 jams), but it was also fun – and bringing Wayfinder to class was seriously cool. I had some stellar lectures with David Shea and Kate Neal. Our ensemble class was a bit of a shambles, but at least we got to know some interesting 1st years.

Two posts was a rarity for me: I was so busy I had almost no time to myself. In addition to uni (which was full on, as above), I was spending weekends either helping organize KT in St. Albans on Saturdays, or teaching grade 1 English and Maths on Sundays. I remember my first class of teaching, and how scared I felt, instantly knowing that I didn’t know how. But the tutoring center pleaded me to stay, so for a few weeks, I tried.

One of my oldest and best friends from soccer had also begun working there; it was great to still be catching up with someone from the team after we split up.. but it was also great to receive a quick hug or a quick smile from an understanding and trusted face, for she too was “new at it”. I really appreciated it – and most Sundays I needed it.

May

In May, everything happened.

We broke up in a huff. I initially didn’t even gather that she was breaking up with me... by the time I had gathered it (two days later) it was too late, she was abrupt and didn’t feel like talking. I wrote:

The tell-tale signs were there - less talking, less messaging, less phoning, and more. I guess i wasn’t being appreciative in that way that i had been prior; the element of surprise felt a long way away. So this culminated two weeks ago, when we had a "break" of a few days from each other. I did some soul searching, was glad that it happened. We came back stronger - still not perfect but a lot better. But just 9 days later, and we were back to crisis mode again. A sadder thought is that maybe at current, she’s filling her life with activity..

I was lost and there was no closure, and basically I shut down.

I was wrecked for two weeks. I flat-out refused to do any uni work during this time; I went to uni but I was a shell there. I was a shell at home. Most times, I just sat in my room in silence, if I wasn’t crying. It was like a life-blood had been sucked out of me.

I saw Chick Corea in concert, and it sucked. Another quote:

ok so here’s the deal. I’m sad most of the time. And i don’t really know what to do about it.
Not that I think about it too much. Someone said (well sang) something in a class today and I very nearly lost all professionalism and broke out in tears there and then... a feeling I’ve never had before.

I don’t feel angry at all. Further, I don’t feel distraught. Friends, logic, and spirituality have done a good job in teaching me that what we had wasn’t working, and hence there was no point trying to continue it. It’s been a couple of weeks (well, 12 days).

Sometimes i feel defeated. The unresolve is what hurts. Casting myself to what happened in those last couple of big talks... and wallowing if i was more acute/aware of what actually happened on that Saturday; then i would have fought in a very different disposition and things would be different. Our whole 6month anniversary was fucked.. did not exist, and it was all because of a stupid miscommunication.

Sometimes i enjoy the weather. And the leaves and the ducks and the trams. And it affirms to me of me stuff; i still have my health. I see myself one day getting up, selling my stuff, buying a motorcycle, and shipping myself to Alice to be a radio broadcaster, all because of a strange dream. Times like that i most think that I, even we (in the ’best of friends for years’ sense) will be the strongest two. Like the phone calls of three years ago.

And sometimes i don’t wish to speak to her for quite a time. I want to hermit it out, non plus ultra. Curling up in my corner, cat-like, and coming around of my own accord, later.

My friends have been there for me and have been great as usual. But even then i feel disconnected. At least sort of. In a way it sort of helps - but in another it’s far worse - that my friends have their own tribulations, and i feel terrible that i can’t return the full support (with the full me) to them - that they have done for me.

I haven’t done any uni work for practically two weeks. Total disinterest. And I’m gravely worried about it. Yesterday, I had Martin Bresnick (head of composition at Yale) describe my work as "a completely devastating experience.. what human is not going to want to play something that sad". and now, it’s like the pilot light is just out. At least the bad dreams have stopped…

Dani hurt a lot this month also. She went through a similar thing, and in our mutual understanding I found a dear friend. Julie and Sam were breaking up, and I guessed that Paul and Kate were going to. I felt more lost and more sad and more confused than I think I can remember.

Within two weeks, everything else happened.

The total emotional shift. The storming out of my house at 3am in favour of staring at a hospitable Chris’ ceiling. The trembling with anger and pain and bewilderment and tiredness, every time I went near my home.. especially the first time. The well timed counseling session that held me together. The notes of Vale’s piano piece that freed me from my existence.

So much for fixing yourself

Two days after the shit, I got the letter to move. Like the relationship, house dynamics had enormously changed - I loved my property a lot, but in a way I loathed it too. At a nerve-settling night at Deb’s place 2x weeks later, we stumbled access some place beautiful. I saw Deb on Friday, had the inspection on Saturday, and moved in on Monday. It was as quick as that.

Uni was orchestral part proofing, and syntax preparations. My work at the tea house was going to close, really I didn’t mind too much – maybe I couldn’t process it. I saw some friends play Messiaen’s “Quartet for the End of Time”, and it was epic.

June

“Beautiful, cozy and secure”, they were my first impressions of the new place. I was ridiculously happy that I had found somewhere so nice – not to mention somewhere geographically close to the land I had become friends with.

It was also pretty stark when I first moved in. Whilst I felt safe, I was still feeling emotional and in particular, a lot of negativity. I was angry at Joy, and we’d tried speaking a few times but it often resulted in an argument. I even called her up angry a few times, just to yell at her.

i succeeded in making Sunday a crap day for both of us. I wish i could just shut up for a while.

Uni was better, I got consideration without a problem but I still felt bad for cutting all ties for two weeks, with my orchestral concert coming up. I sort of threw myself into it. I started playing in the RMIT cover band thing… initially as an experiment, but I loved it. When I received my results for the semester - and found I had aced most things – I felt really proud.

I was up and down, it was a very reflective month. “I guess it’s all part of working out who I am, or something”, I wrote.

Of course, another big change happened in June involved the Australian Youth Choir. I didn’t really think I’d get the gig (for I didn’t know Kodaly and I wasn’t a full time music teacher), but I was made one of their conducting staff nonetheless. Confident and hesitant in equal amounts, I started preparing for next month’s Performing Arts Camp.

July

July was a good amount of being busy; but in the first week, I did sneak away to Ballarat just long enough to see Paul... and cats... and family... and a quite dismal AFC Asian Cup.

No sooner than I got back that I found myself directing the Australian Youth Choir’s Performing Arts Camp. Although I sort of expected it, I quickly found that it was a lot less like conducting and a lot more like primary school teaching. I’m no natural teacher, but for that week I was Mr. Lewis. In a way it was like KT, (I was glad that I’d had that experience), except this time it was music, and I felt like I could just about do it.

We must have done an alright job –I had some great support from awesome staff like Monique and Michelle, and Ian Harrison (it was truly a team effort); the kids learned their stuff and we played games half of the time. It was rewarding enough work.

Dani had a birthday, and whilst it now saddens me to think of how good mates we were, at the time it was great to spend a couple of hours cheering up my ill-stricken friend.

Syntax happened. Granted we almost left a lot of things too late, but in the end we were thrilled and surprised by ‘just how much of a demoparty’ it was. Preparations became really exciting; we scored some great prizes including – in a spark of pure genius – the Syntax commemorative shield. Meeting Adrian was ace. The weekend itself was lots of lugging gear, prizes, sorting amenities, and partying. It was a huge day but well worth it.

Chris and Ado’s high speed crash put a diffused tone on the post-party mood; thankfully everyone was OKish, more or less.

Uni had started up again and it was great. I worked with David Shea a lot, and he changed the way I think. As did lessons with my fantastic mentor, Rob Vincs – and I craved my lessons with him. I also fell into a bizarre loophole with my subjects; I was 1up on uni and had the choice of free time, or free study of any Melbourne Uni subject I wanted. I thought seriously about doing something in the VCA Animation school, sadly the overhead proved too much (in terms of writing my own curriculum), and I dropped it for the free time.

I had a really great/relaxing day where I went to see the ACMI Pixar exhibition (which was better than expected) with Dani. Other things that got me out included DeJahGroove at the Night Cat, and Adrian Pertout’s marimba concerto, “An honourable silence”. It was good to see that old friends were still performing.

August

A quote that Tasha said once was resounding in my head: “by the time you get to final year uni, you’ll know who your friends are”.

I felt sadness sometimes. After a full kind of holiday period (July, after all, was a holiday), it was back to the usual: money issues, grant application stress, and work en masse. I missed the one David Shea lecture I was hanging out for (it was on depression), because I was composing my bloody New Music Ensemble piece for two and a half days straight. It really got to me, and felt like this:

Not working has meant a very harsh reality check: life as a composer. I’ve not had this little income before; and the inconsistency of work and pressures of output have been a very dominating culmination. Because of not having any money most of the time, I’ve been spending nearly all of my time doing extra work: applying for grants, scholarships, bursaries wherever I can.
I’m trying to complete more music than I can even comprehend. Most the time I am overwhelmed and isolated. A work for my New Music Ensemble study; yet another orchestra work for the VYSO, this bloody piano trio, a glass percussion thing, my alphorn piece to supposedly perform at the end of the year... Uni have also decided that I apparently know how to use the BOSS HDD recorder thing of theirs; so now I’m the unofficial recording tech composer guy; meaning I need even extra time to do setups and to work out how to use the bloody unit. I’m not even sure what’s happening with my advanced orchestration class; as I haven’t written the subject document yet; so I’m enrolled in something that doesn’t exist...

That being said, I have a job interview with the choir (an internal position doing more regular work with them. Actually it was supposed to be last week; except I got lost on the way there & instead had a night of walking around eastern suburbs and feeling sad.

Nearly all other times I am here. Making myself concentrate on work but generally not being productive (and occasionally sitting on the floor and looking at the carpet...). I miss my friends so, so fucking much... but most of the time I don’t have time to stop (which is ironic because I often do), and even if I did, I’m embarrassingly poor, too. I’ve been reading a lot about composers and depression... which makes me think "You know, I could be playing on a baseball team some-
where..."

Crest, a demoscene compatriot, threw himself off a bridge and he died.

August ’07 will always be remembered as the SoundOut month (more on that later), but for me it was also a month of new feelings – namely, a closeness to my composer colleagues. I go to know Misha really well this month, I remember how he transformed a really shit Monday: I was depressed as hell and walking home looking at the ground; when I bumped into him the next thing I know we were eating shitake mushrooms and talking about spirituality and conducting and housing.

I also started hanging out with Duncan this month: and herein developed the warmest friendship in a long while... certainly the most significant throughout my final semester and beyond. We have a lot in common – as soccer players, as composers, as just us trying to understand the world. I’ll never forget the nights of jamming, composing, drinking and admiring top-shelf jazz. The first of these nights happened this month.

The unfathomable Pinney’s Mighty Boosh Party happened early August – clearly the best party of the year. It wasn’t so much that it was a great party with a great amount of musos at Alex and James’ house... it was the fact we could all get together at the one shindig *at that time*. It was like: we’d all been working so hard at the same things, for so long, and then now we were partying, right in the middle of it. Down with the ship. It was one of the best, most memorable nights of smiles and convincing-colleagues-not-to-have-nervous-breakdowns.

Pete, my brother, bought a house.

Jean-Charles Francois was in town, and he taught me that I’d only ever have to overcome four things: the finances, the institution, the resources and the notation system. In truth he wasn’t very well received – and even criticized a lot, but I liked him, and I liked that he was trying to do something new.

And of course, I had my first piece played for Orchestra. It was a massive undertaking. Tatar was fiercely inspirational, but translating his work into a piece for orchestra was a huge task. On one hand, I had disengaged from the work by the time rehearsals came around (this happens with every big work: “a new work for orchestra, an old work for composer”). On the other hand it was great to have support from such an overwhelming force, the entire faculty. I was particularly happy with the choir, the conductor, and the monstrosity of a wind machine that Paul and I spent $400 and two solid weeks building.

After the concert, I was pretty much cruising for a while. At Open Day, I was pretty much staff. August was also the first month where I started having “big thoughts” – research into studying abroad, the great abyss. From Iceland to Korea, South America to Holland. Rob was pushing me to explore as many options as possible, and I knew that I still had some very specific things I wanted to do as a composer.

September

September was a month of being in real control.

By now, I had been giving all to my course, and I was starting to reap the benefits. I found some free time and some great people to spend it with. I had a great day at Experimentia with Dani, and spent a couple of awesome nights making music with Duncan. I even saw the Socceroos tackle an impressive Argentina.
Again the free time at uni was a big bonus; Uni was mostly conversations with Rob, jamming with the NME, and kicking soccer balls with Gabi. The free time also meant… a new job! I started working casually at the School of Population Health.. it was super flexible and quickly enjoyable – great people that were creative and environmentally conscious. IT with a difference. Some fascinating technology too, I’ll never forget my tour of central ops with Will – some very serious computers that could beat your computers.

I became a seasoned nightwalker. The weather was lovely and I’d take off for a couple of hours almost every night. There were one or two evenings that were exceptional: full moons and mist, the stuff of Japanese Samurai movies. I’d spend them in the local park, sitting quietly and watching the moon take it’s course.

On a night that smelt like Viburnum (my favourite trees were flowering by now), I followed an SMS invite and found myself at a Dahl night where I met Katie. I remember walking home, feeling younger than I had in a long time.

Um... I like her a whole lot. She’s introverted, caring, and very very pleasant. She has a purple wallet and rainbow-coloured shoelaces on her boots. There’s something about the way she turns her neck. She really likes old instruments. And She has a bike with a basket on it called Jessica. And she’s a composer. (A really good one!). Geez...

From a first date (of old buildings and older violins) to theatre shows and bookshelves, we shared a lot of time, and food, and music. It took us a few weeks of getting to know each other before we realized a major speed hump – we just didn’t know how to make each other laugh. We talked some more… and left each other for the smells of Viburnum and Dandelions respectively, and spring continued to roll on.

October

“When the sun is shining, its time to fix the roof”.

Everything sort of hit the fan in early stages of October. Many factors contributed to a massive amount of stress, accompanied by despair. The qualms of final semester uni (assessments, New Music Ensemble, debarkled recital plans, and a never-ending line of grant rejection letters) only added to feelings of loneliness, lack of spirituality, and very little in terms of family for around 3 years now. I wondered whether this was the “burnt out from VCA syndrome” that claims so many artistic souls, and I worried.

It manifested itself here:

"How many rejection letters does it take until you start thinking
’maybe I am actually really bad at this?’
and how do you deal with that?"

Uni is ridiculous. I’ve never enjoyed the idea of competition to begin with, and the problem with uni classes so small.. is that (for all of their good qualities) they are ultimately fearfully competitive. Ferociously competitive. Elitist. My instincts tell me that nobody likes it (not the staff, certainly not the students), it’s one of life at VCAs more obvious flaws; and it’s only getting worse. I feel so sorry for the younger guys in the course.
Some specifics: I spent most of this week believing that I was bad at writing anything melodic for solo instruments of any sort (which is partly true...), and although trying to work up the confidence to attempt writing... mostly getting depressed and doing nothing.
In truth I should have spent more time being dedicated to them earlier in the semester, but I was busy pouring my soul into the year’s rounds of scholarship and grant applications, also known as paper for recycling. I shouldn’t have been bitter about missing out on the main music scholarships, but initially I was a bit. I guess it saddens me that I know I was down to 1 of 4 people max. that were eligible, and that I spent so long preparing that application for nothing. But that’s OK... I still have my honours audition. And I still have my AMCOZ application for this year (that is, If I can defy history and somehow not get so
burnt out and depressed this October that I don’t apply).
They are scrapping Sound Out for 2008, or rather, revamping it, making it a ’showcase’. Which means one or two student works at best. Another fucking competition.

Anyway, in spite of all this inadequacy I have managed to get 2ish minutes of my supposed-to-be-20min-thing composed. Not that it’s any good, but it sort of works. I didn’t help today that I had a class of my colleague’s presentations. I’m usually all for this (but...) I can’t explain the feeling in words. I was overwhelmed and felt like I had no right to be there, I had to leave. So I went home and cooked, because that’s what I do when I need therapy and I cook fucking well. And now, I’m giving up. At least for a few days... at least on the ’writing music’ side of things. It gives me a chance to get some of the written component done (which I’m also way behind on, but at least it’s an area where I know I can get tangible results).

I had a few positives happening though. Work was still really god, and it meant I could do a few things – like go to The Cat Empire with the Australian Youth Orchestra – which was a very, very special concert indeed. The tides of a changing Australian government (after 12 years) were well overdue. Pauly came down and I walked with him to the Astor and back. And I was starting to get to know Preston; for I frequented the market a lot.

I discovered Danny Elfmann’s first film score – “The Forbidden Zone” this month; a piece of cinema that revolutionized the way I see and hear a film. When the DVD arrived from the US, I watched it at least 15 times, before donating it to the library collection at uni.

And when my birthday happened (and I managed to see all of my immediate family in the space of a week), my sanity was restored. “One of the very best kind”, my birthday had just the right amount of family, time to self, and time with friends. Sun and trees, corellas and galahs and cockatoos.

Chris made an incredible Rob is Jarig cake for my birthday, the day before!! :D

Just when the franticness picked up again, I found out that I had won the Wagner Composition Award at Uni.

Feeling much more satisfied with life after my birthday, things started picking up. At work I found out about the Apollo Music Society, and I even weaned my way into a weekly inter-departmental soccer competition there 

November

Whoa. November was one of the biggest and most prolific months in a very long time. It wasn’t until I did two relatively simple things that I realized the year had been so epic. Firstly, I sat down and updated the hard copy of my phone contacts (which had doubled in the space of 6x months), and I revised my musical resume, it too was growing exponentially into something solid and commendable. I was proud of me.

Work was going great, I’d never worked in a place where the conditions were this good, and consequentially I was loving my job. It was the little things: you could have lunch in a garden, you could bring your dog to work (occasionally, if you had to – and you weren’t too noisy about it).

The VCA Graduate exhibition took of this month. I found it addictive and evocative – I liked it far better than Kiasma and most of the galleries I saw in Europe. “Isn’t it assuring…”, I remember musing “…that there are still some very good thinkers left in society.”

Uni was wrapping up – and with the exception of my recital (which was a great deal of stress), everything else was wrapped up in a neat little package. Even the stress of my recital dissipated, when I had a remarkable dream that put al of my loose, disjointed elements into a logical, well-thought out, performance space work.

Something was working for me note-wise. A freak accident at the desk saw me create op.#13, almost instantly. I did a film score for Tristan, and did a lot of great reading on music education. I still got to hang out with Duncan a lot. The cover band was also taking off, we had our RMIT@movies night, and there were lots of rehearsals leading towards December.

I wrote an article on Daoism for a research journal:

I’m not sure why I mention it here, save it was a great reflective exercise to do so. I’m not at a notable “high” point of spirituality at the moment... but it was good in a centering way to stop and think about what I believe .

Social times this month were crazy music with Duncan, stress free days in Eltham, and good food with my brother. The election happened, and so did a wonderfully happy night of being drunk with roommates in Preston.

I worked ferociously towards preparing myself for the VCA Honours audition. I always knew it was going to be tough (and whilst it would be easy to brood on “1x spot for 10x applicants” as a reflection of the state of education in this country), lets just say I wasn’t holding out for acceptance. Along the way, I met some great types. My path of academia led its way to geographical science; and before I knew it I was working closely with the Cartographical Society of the UK, working on a project to help understand music as a form of mapping, and map-making as a form of notating music.

Fancy research topics aside, I was quickly becoming less concerned with whatever some English scholars had to say. A bigger career idea got the better of me – one that was well outside anything I had known at Uni, one that was almost out of this world.

They say you only travel professionally for money or for cultural enlightenment, and there would certainly be none of the former in the taciturn city of Caracas, Venezuela. I had been thinking about music of the world a lot; and just like Rob’s comments on “every musical instrument having it’s own language”, I was only starting to understand that every language, in turn, had its own musics. Not only did I want to experience El Sistema first hand, I wanted to get to know Venezuela – in all of her course, intemperate ways. Few places are more psychologically distant from here.

Work took a bit of a different light. It was still comfortable, but I was open-minded about it becoming a means. I started quietly making myself busy – seeking Spanish classes, listening to Latin American classical music, and studying the tricky yet unique socio-political climate which overshadows the place.

Through a great deal of coincidence, just 3x weeks later, I found myself at the “2nd Annual Australia-Latin American conference” – a day spent with a small group including academics, politicians, and the Ambassadors to Brazil, Mexico, Chile, Argentina, Peru, - and of course, Venezuela. I had no experience with diplomacy prior, but I found most of the ambassadors charming, amicable, and wise. I especially liked the sense of humor from the Brazilian leader.

Of all the ambassadors, I found the Venezuelan Charge D’affairs to be the most quiet – and honestly, how much could he have to say? In spite of some rudimentary common ground to do with mining, the psychic gap remains monstrous – again, Caracas being one of the remote places from here on earth. I picked up only a little about the place, including some mixed reports about Caracas being a “beautiful” but “dangerous” place. However, I also met an exciting couple of groups that were passionate about the region; including some PhD students and Spanish language groups.

In the midst of all the business this month, I started talking with Joy again,. “Confusing, as well as good and bad”, I wrote.

December.

With uni pretty much out of the way, I found more time to dedicate to work, and to enjoyable things such as riding and soccer. Work itself was still really good – I was pretty much permanent staff at the School of Physiotherapy; I loved having my own desk and my own departmental network to look after.

A few new people had started there, Louis and Meghan being 2x peers that also colleagues, and became very good friends.

I think I chilled out a lot this month. I remember often feeling a “Hey, I survived uni” sort of pride, which left me feeling strong and positive. I went to a couple of soccer games with Pete and friends, which was wonderful.

In early December, we had our annual composer’s dinner, which was a hell of a memorable night. It started out as a marvelous dinner with friends, and found its way to karaoke and pool, and eventually to dancing and moderate drinks. I kept running into people I knew that night – like Ben and Aimee, later some band people like Matt, and Stewart, and Shona.

Still, I went through a distinct phase of bad dreams this month. “The worst kind”... nights full of twisting and turning, waking up rough and being tired.

The weather was amazing though. I spent a couple of wonderful days helping Dani “Mansion-sit” – hanging out at an incredible property and looking after a very spoilt puppy.

I was talking to Joy again, which was still kind of ‘up and down’, even provocative of certain emotions at some point. But mostly it was good; she helped me do a little Christmas shopping. which was remarkably easy this year for some reason?

I played in my first Carols by Candlelight this year, joining a few band friends on the trek to remote Moe. It was a funny sort of a night with Glenn’s people – the music was sometimes haphazard, sometimes precarious... but the night was undeniably “Christmassy”, and I loved the warm feeling the people down there had.

Christmas itself was celebrated by my family a little earlier. Not much to tell there – as it was all pretty normal in Ballarat (which is a wonderful thing). The actual day I spent at home - mowing grass, cooking and cleaning, and being perfectly happy.

I had a night of considerable drinking with Glenn and Dani, which in hindsight turned sour, when I found out something got horribly miscommunicated that night. I was shocked that something so small could be taken so drastically; and whilst I was partly apologetic, my overwhelming feeling was “you got yourself into this mess, you can get yourself out”. That’s the thing – she never seemed to bother trying. It doesn’t sound like much and it certainly didn’t start off as much, but the ramifications of inaction turned into a great eventual loss.

Nevertheless. I found myself having one of the most peaceful NYE’s to date. I was with a crew of 7 band people, whom whisked me away to Rye, beachside for new years. In fact, I had a downright lovely time: really hot weather, good food, great friends and lots of tea. I spent lots of time by myself, outside with pen and paper and sun, where I pulled out this notepad and started writing...

the thing everyone seems to be doing

2009-02-07T12:52:07Z

Once you've been tagged,you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things,facts,habits or goals about you.At the end,choose 20 people to be tagged.You have to tag the person who tagged you.If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

----

1) I am impeccably poor at responding to emails and other digital messages from my friends. It’s not that I disregard what they have to say, and I certainly never mean to be rude to them; but I know I forever end up thinking that it’s better to wait - until I have time to respond in a thorough, sincere manner. It usually ends in a sticky quagmire.... :(

2) I very nearly moved to Venezuela 12 months ago. I still feel a very deep affinity for South America, and am sure I will visit there one day.

3) I love nightwalking. I've done a lot of it from time to time; 2 or 3 hours every night at it's most frequent point. Now it is still the first thing that comes to mind when I first walk outside - on an evening when the temperature is good.

4) I have an aunty with a mental illness that my family haven't spoken to since we were kids. it saddens me a great deal when I think about it; I often wonder how she is doing and wonder about how to break the ice.

5) A pet hate of mine is standing on crinkly towels.

6) In 2nd year uni, people would tell me that they couldn't possibly imagine me being stressed. - one of the biggest compliments i've had.

7) I adore radio and everything about it. I think that you can tell a lot about any given place by what's on it's FM spectrum... for that matter, any of it's others.

8) About once every 18 months, I get an incurable urge for long-distance running.

9) About every 2 years, it's swimming.

10) I rarely get bitten by mosquitoes and other bugs. Someone said it could have to do with vegemite consumption...

11) I would be 100% happy drinking nothing but water, tea, and (occasionally) wine for the rest of my days.

12) Since going to Copenhagen, I nearly always won't cross at traffic lights until the Green man appears.

13) I have lots of pairs of socks. Could always be using a few more...

14) I love the crusts of loaves of bread; of which Dark Rye is my favourite type (but only when soft and fresh)

15) I can schedule times that I am going to be sick.

16) I keep to do lists, and I am *almost always* doing something from them.

17) I used to volunteer for various addiction recovery centres - alcohol, sexual and drug rehab places. It was one of the most rewarding things I've ever done.

18) Geography and cartography are two of my favourite things. I love the science of getting to know the world, and what makes it tick.

19) Apparently, I hold my spoon like a baby.

20) I love it when the power goes out. In short, it reminds me of the environment and how much we've lost touch with the bigger picture.

21) I used to be petrified of heights. I made a conscious effort to get over this and now I'm only sometimes worried by them. It depends on the structure and environment in question.

22) mmm I'm out of ideas now, I asked joy to give me some. She mentioned diet... I am "lacto-vegetarian", and as such picky about what food ingredients go into my foods. Particularly avoiding cheese and alcohol products that have rennet, gelatine or caesin in them.

23) Mm an obvious one - I'm a twin!! MY twin sister's name is Anna and I love her to bits :)

24) Often when I'm walking, an orienteering part of my brain takes control. I concentrate on angles and topology and determining spatial paths.

25) Oh yeah, and I end the majority of typed messaging sentences with a smiley :)

1

2009-01-16T14:08:18Z

The tao that can be told
is not the eternal Tao
The name that can be named
is not the eternal Name.

The unnamable is the eternally real.
Naming is the origin
of all particular things.

Free from desire, you realize the mystery.
Caught in desire, you see only the manifestations.

Yet mystery and manifestations
arise from the same source.
This source is called darkness.

Darkness within darkness.
The gateway to all understanding.

looking back at 2008

2008-12-30T03:11:22Z

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Became an uncle. Moved into a 2-person place. wrote for pipe organ. Started dating an -ex again.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Mm I don't remember now; I don't believe I had made any big ones...

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
only my sister! :)

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Elle's son ... also Ian Harrison :( but in both cases we weren't really 'close'.

5. What countries did you visit?
only the high country; twice

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Nothing comes to mind; I guess I would like to have less things.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory?
- the day feeding horses in cobden
- the day we got the brunswick place - then the day we got this one :)
- the day playing soccer against Ghana

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
mm it wasn't like there was 'one big thing'... rather, there were ongoing acheivements that were, and are - lots of continual work. If i had to pick one 'event', it would probably be finishing my organ work?

9. What was your biggest failure?
Probably not seeing friends enough; and also blogging or writing enough.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Mm no; i got through pretty Scott-free this year

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Holidays! And related such things for the little trips throughout all year :)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My girl's , for tackling everything and coming out the other side smiling.
Also Chris - who did a simply fierce amount of work this year - for me, for syntax, for everyone.
Nick from ANAM, for obvious reasons.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Brendan Nelson's? Peter Garrett's? Seriously not too many others though...

14. Where did most of your money go?
good places... mostly clearing debts and financial stability; also rent, fuel, and syntax.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Dating my girl, again :)

16. What song/album will always remind you of 2008?
Yes, probably Kate Miller-Heidke's album.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder?
About the same? I mean I'm really happy, but I was in good shape at the turn of last year
ii. Thinner or fatter?
About the same.. maybe a tiny amount more unfit
iii. Richer or poorer?
richer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Meditating. Market shopping and organic cooking. Seeing friends. Composing and playing.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
working, worrying about details

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Spent Christmas eating salads with immediate family, playing with zac, falling asleep, and watching DVDs with other family.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
yes, comprehensively.. again :)

22. How many one night stands in this last year?
zero

23. What was your favorite TV program?
seinfield, samurai jack, World News Australia and certain soccer matches

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No

25. What was the best book you read?
mm... probably "The Classic of Tea" by Lu Yu

26. What was your greatest musical discovery in 2008?
Probably Webwern's Piano Concertos, and the music of Kate Miller-Heidke

27. What did you want and get?
pretty much everything and more! Unexplainably lucky/fortunate year

28. What did you want and not get?
Mm nothing comes to mind; I don't have that many epic 'wants'.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
geez, probably "Buddha's lost children", or "Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter and Spring again"

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
My 27th - worked during the day but had a pefect day including one of the films above. Someone filled my house with balloons and suprises... =7

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
mm again i don't feel like it 'lacked' a lot. More rain?

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Neater.

33. What kept you sane?
Tea

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you like the most?
Martin Laursen

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Australia says Sorry, Feb 13 2008

36. Who did you miss?
My uni teachers, some friends

37. Who was the best new person you met?
Probably Sam from Soccer, he's ace

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
There are more important things to do than rush and race.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
mmm can't think of any.....

don't go out of control - go out of town

2008-11-20T13:15:15Z

Hi Journal,

Just got back from a lovely, cozy, relaxing kind of a mid-week escapade to a quiet country town not far from here. It was a place where the air was clean, the accomodation was cozy, the food was fresh, and the hills were quiet.

It was such a great idea (in fact, a really intelligent one) to get out the city, and spend some time doing nothing and lazying about with my girl. Now it concequentially feels like a Sunday night (it's thursday), i'm a bit out of touch with all of whatever else has been going on in November, and that feels great. I can recall November as being a busy month. Band gigs and soccer, my2x jobs, extra music work and of course Syntax (more on that later)... but that's about all that comes to mind right now.

oh, and the massage yesterday was super :D

printing t-shirts

2008-11-04T09:14:27Z

is proving to be a real nightmare.

it's true, 'they should invent pills for this kinda stuff'.

update o'clock

2008-08-10T12:51:29Z

Hi there Journal! :)

mmm what to say. It's been a long time between drinks...

Well, for a start, there's no way i could have pictured myself where i am now, 6 months ago. It's been a year so far that's been both quietly quiet, and has had some significant stuff happened also. Right now I love the place i'm in - both spatially (parkville) and metaphorical. Life's a beach.

Work's been going really well. I'm now coming into the home strait of a 3-month contract with a different faculty, working out of Old Arts (think of it as 3x months of temp work). For a position that I was initially not going to apply for (my old boss put me up to it), it's turned out to be a really quite good change of scene, and I'm quite sure now that I'll stay with them, should they offer me a further contract - i think they will.

The work itself is basically the same as what I was before, with some subtle differences. Basically, i'm still in a desktop support team but also a lab manager now. Esentially it's very similar. The people aren't quite as lovely as at SPH (they were massive shoes to fill), but it's still quite a manageable environment - and the extra pay is a nice addition too.

Other work (the wednesday job) has been going quite well also - being an IT manager has added level of stress sometimes, but despite the ups and downs i always manage to get through. I do like my time there.

===

Beneath all this has of course been my wonderful girl. Things with her and me are going really great. I simply don't think i've ever been this comfortable around anyone... she's just my best friend and her company is the best. We laugh with each other so much...

Of course, like all couples there's a fair amount of work involved. We have our own little issues, and we really do put in a lot of effort. But at the end of the day we always seem to find equalibrium; i think that's really special. In spite of her sometimes full-on lifestyle, and mine, she is really wonderful to me.

I'm being barely musical at the minute. Just band and some small/unexciting arranging, otherwise not much at all. But honestly I really don't mind for the time being. I feel more relaxed than I have in probably a very long time, I'm starting to read again quite a bit too (thanks to some good books), and I'm really enjoying that. Soccer and yoga in small amounts (around once a week).. i do miss walking and cycling but will probably do more of these both when it is more attractive outside. Meditation and things too are not as prevelant just now... yoga helps a lot though, I love it dearly. I was always one to strive for (metaphysical) balance.

The weather's somewhat cool and the nights do get cold, but the weather worries me. Our winters are currently like a Finnish summer... when i was a kid, it rained significantly here winters were *really* cold. Sure, i'm in the capital now... but still. I worry becuase I believe the weather is already on the upper... of course this gets us thinking about water... and whether we'll have enough again.

Something that I guess Joy and I have been thinking about for a while - but in recent days i've come accross it with more resolve - we are again quietly looking for a new place to live. It's not like we are in a hurry or anything: the situation is currently really good and we are not being kicked out. It may not be for a couple of months - or even around the end of the year - but the rental market is furious so we are just starting to look for a new change in living circumstances.

In two weeks time it'll be anniversary time! A fairly significant one, this one involves beaches and penguins and being the hell away from everyone for a while. =7

june june june

2008-06-28T05:14:15Z

Hi Journal!
It's been a few months; but I've not forgotten about you. I even tried writing you a few times... maybe i tried too hard? Anyway, we've some catching up to do...

I'm keeping well so far, I think. Going into week #3 of the new job (read: the new faculty) now, I'm liking the change in scene, and i know i'm good at what i do. The money is quite a significant increase too... i don't know, between that and the Wednesday-afternoon job, I feel like i'm worth something?

Living in 2x homes is also a change; but it's not a bad thing. I'm still managing to do all of the regular stuffs that I love and that keep me sane - like sometimes play soccer and walk/ride to work, or occasionally practice drinking tea or yoga. In the meantimes there's been some quietly special stuff, like the animation festival at acmi, or graduating... like nice films at the sun, or health festivals at the exhibition center. Seeing Kim&Zac again was great; as was playing vibes in duncan's ensemble thing.

Stuffs with joy have been really quite lovely too. She's had so much on her plate to deal with; and yet she's still managing to keep just about everyone happy - from work and her family, through to her friends, and none the least me. We've been supporting each other a lot through stuff, and it's shaping up to be a really fun winter with her.

So that's pretty much me for just now. In reflection, I do think i've changed a lot in the past 12 months; i guess it's kinda nice to have some things pan out... the way you want them to be. A little. The weather's getting cool (but not wet), although the north winds are cool for once - so i figure that's something. Nearly the end of the tram line for me.....

song in my head

2008-05-28T14:26:35Z

This gets a mention; song has been in my head all week

yes, the singer looks like Jesus.

kosmoplovci @ 2008-05-11T18:03:00

2008-05-11T08:05:12Z

Where were you at 10PM last night?

I was playing monopoly at my girl's place, i believe :)

What was the first thing you thought this morning?
mm wonder what time it is? mm.. i sleepy.. it's warm in bed..

How's your heart lately?
prettygood thanks :)

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?
Mm i hope so. I mean, nothing's invincible, but i really think we could be...

What are you listening to?
a chiptune by Uncle Tom, called "orchestra" (via bitJam)

Does anything hurt you?
Um yes?

Do you need to say anything to anyone?
Hmmm At the moment, no?

What were you doing at 7AM?
sleeping!

How do you feel?
mm goods... relaxed. not procrastinating too much though... goods :)

What was the last movie you watched?
Juno

Have you ever driven without a license?
mm yeah, once or twice when i'd left it at home

What is making you happy at the moment?
mm thoughts of my girl... the warmth of my laptop.. stable workstuffs, a few things :)

Do you trust people easily?
mm not really, i judge my distance

Do you drink tea?
I live on it!

Whose car did you drive in last and where to?
My car, drove home from Footscray at 12pm ish

Do you wet the toothbrush before the toothpaste?
Yes

Where do you like to keep your money?
That's for me to know...

Do you watch the news daily?
mm no, although i stop past SBS and ABC's websites regularly

What were you doing at 12:00 this afternoon?
mm think i'd just got home and... put on washing

Are you wearing socks?
Yeah :)

Would you ever dye your hair blonde?
I have before; once... although i doubt i would do it again

What did you do yesterday?
mm ran around doing market shopping and things, then picked up my girl. Drove up to ballarat to see parents and cats. Relaxed next to heater/cat/girl for a while. Drove to girl's place and played Monopoly

Do you know anyone who's pregnant?
Mm no i don't think i do just now?

Is something bothering you?
mm not really, no. I'm a little thirsty.. but nothing major.

Where are you?
On my lappy, in bed

Do any of your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them?
yeah, my good jeans have a hole in them because i fell off my bike once :(

What are you wearing?
said jeans, a favourite pouet pig shirt, and an old cozy black jumper.

Could you live without a computer?
sometimes i think it would be kind of enlightening...

Have you ever kissed someone with braces?
no

If you could change your eye colour what would it be?
mm they're fine the way they are, thank you.

How many pillows on your bed?
just 2 for a queen bed. Who needs a boudoir?

Who was the last person that made you laugh?
Heh, that'd be Joy; she had the hiccups when we were on the phone

Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with?
no

Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
Time of the mood

Have you ever had to pull over on the side of the road to puke?
yeah, used to get car sickness pretty bad :(

Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
no

Shower or bath?
Shower, less water

Mexican or Chinese?
mm definently chinese - i don't do chilli very well

Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
mm both at times?

Do you love someone in your friends list?
i don't have one?

Love or money?
Love?

credit cards or cash?
Credit cards are evil.

Have you ever had anyone in your family you wish wasn't?
heh no way! We're all spastics :)

Camping or a 5 star hotel?
mm yeah probably camping actually - more of an experience :)

What is the weirdest place you have had sex?
um..

Would you shave your entire body (including your head) for money?
no. probably not.

Have you ever been to a strip club?
Yes.

Ever been to a bar?
Yes

Ever been so drunk you had to be carried out by someone else?
no never; i've always carried myself out.

Kissed someone of the same sex?
no

Had sex in a movie theater?
no

Had sex in a bathroom?
Yes

Have you ever had sex at work?
no

Have you ever been in an "adult" store?
yes

Bought something from an adult store?
Yes

Have you been caught having sex..
No...

Does anyone have naughty pics of u?
no?

Do u have naughty pics of anyone?
not really no?

Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?
No

Who do you think has the guts to repost this?
Anyone?

Do you tend to rip the paper off water bottles?
no

If the mob was after you, what would you do?
if they were really pissed, i'd leave the country

When you shut off your alarm clock, do you tend to fall back asleep?
only occasionally. not for very long... usually i just set it for later, to begin with.

If you were given the chance to take care of a monkey for a weekend, would you?
i don't like monkeys :s

What are you looking forward to in the next few months?
um not being too busy! :) also making little bits of money, anniversaries and stuffs with my girl, and maybe going away

When will you turn 18?
A gazillion years ago

If you were being chased by an alligator, what would you do?
I'd say "seeyoubye!" and bolt

What song are you currently listening to?
mm some weird crap on ubu.com radio. George Macinas' "beuy's paik - in memorium". avant garde piano. Actually this is pretty cool... better than most their stuffs...

If you caught a significant other cheating on you what would you do?
I don't think i could bring myself to forgive them.

Do you have any cousins?
yeah about 8 or so.. most are older

Can you imagine yourself living in a cardboard box?
i really can't :/

Who was the last person you talked to?
mm Joy on the phone? or in person... that'd be... Joy as well, i think

What is the WORST subject they teach at school?
When i was there? probably Methods

Where do you plan on living when you grow up?
Melbourne :D

What was your dream this morning?
something about being at my brother's house and diagnosing the problems with his down lights..

How many times have you seen your favourite movie?
heh a few times. haven't seen it in a good while though.

Where was the last place you travelled?
mm ballarat? before that, cobden :)

How was your past weekend?
It's been great! (described above)

If puppies stayed small forever, would you buy one?
i'd get one if they didn't :)

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Green Tea

Ever liked someone that you didn't think you stood a chance with?
mm yes a few times in the past, i think

Is someone on your mind right now?
no not really

Can you say the alphabet backwards?
awkwardly

Would you ever change for a boy/girl?
nah, i like being me

Pro-life or Pro-choice?
Pro choice

Have you ever been on stage?
Yes

Can you whistle?
Yes

Would you do anything for that special someone?
of course i would; as long as it seemed like the right thing to do. But we have a pretty similar moral code, so that's cool :)

Do you know who Stewie Griffin is?
no

Do you hangout with more guys or girls?
mm i think that in the past it's been girls more, but now it's probably a mix or maybe even boys a little more

Why?
because i'm a bit less shy and also have more time to maybe even kick back occasionally

Have you ever thought a friend could be more than a friend?
Yes...

Do you like the beach?
sure i do, as long as you're rugged up

What color is your toothbrush?
mm it's currently red and white

What makes you laugh?
mm my friends, quirky stuff, homestar runner, geeky things, lotsa things :)

Are you ticklish?
maaaybe

Have you ever been in a hotel room with your friends/opposite sex?
no?

kosmoplovci @ 2008-04-29T22:06:00

2008-04-29T12:11:36Z

I just had one of those days that begin with work being unbelievably stressful and horrible.. the ones where you throw yourself in taxis because you gotta get places quick... the ones that make you realise you've forgotten your lunch half way through the day. And the ones that end with you on your best friend's sofa, all snuggled up and warm and treated to a delcious, spontaneous curry at their place, "just because".

very quick update

2008-04-24T11:13:04Z

Now working two (well, sort of three), jobs now.. having started at ANAM.

kosmoplovci @ 2008-04-10T20:28:00

2008-04-10T10:29:42Z

1) Where is the person you love most right now?

Mmm I think she's at home... pretty sure she is..

2) When was the last time you consumed alcohol?
um, on the weekend, had a little nice wine with joy's dad

3) What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?
making breakfast

4) What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
pedalling home from yoga

5) Last place you took a plane to?
Melbourne from Germany

6) What do you feel towards the last person who texted you last?
Gee I don't know.. only that she's the most wonderful lovely sweetest person...

7) Have you ever been around someone who was high?
yes

8) Do you like your life as of now?
Yeah it's pretty good hey? I just hope it continues like so

9) Last thing you purchased?
mm a bottle of water, because i hadn't drunk a thing all day :(

10) Where are you right now, and how do you feel about where you are?
Mmm it's a cosy regular spot... be leaving it for the kitchen soon though

11) Where did your last hug take place?
on the corner outside my girl's place

12) Who was the last person to tell you they loved you?
Joyous!

13) What color are your nails?
mm just the regular kind

14) Are you a jealous person?
Not really... maybe only a tiny bit?

15) Did you have a good birthday this year?
You mean last year? Umm let me think.. oh yeah! It was lovely; the most sunny lovely evening..

16) Are you tired right now?
nah i feel refreshed

17) What are your outlooks on gay/bisexual relationships?
I'm strongly for them, I guess - although i think gay is quite different to bi

18) Last inbox message from?
Michelle?

19) Do you have curly hair?
only sometimes!

20) What are you looking forward to?
cooking! Um.. getting things paid off. The market on Saturmaday. Seeing mates. Painting :)

21) Last night, did you go to sleep smiling?
Yeah, i did :)

22) When was the last time you told someone the size of your bra/penis?
hmmm...

23) Anyone told you a secret this week?
no i don't think so?

24) Did you have a good day yesterday?
mm yeah it ended well! Work was a tough change of scene; but soccer and girlstuffs were excellent

25) What was the highlight of today?
mm Yoga i think.. watching the lights of twilight cars during thedasyna

26) What does the 5th text message in your inbox say?
"Ja, ja! Ich habe einen roten wagen! Having an awesome time here. I assume garg's told you of his evil plot to drown your foor in paprika paste for all eternity!"
=7

27) What does the 2nd text message in your sent items say?
It says "Heh =) um, white! It's so versatile. Also yellow and red? Some kinda blue? Up to you hun =)"

28) Do you play an instrument?
something like that

29) What's the reason behind your display name?
it's my people

30) Are you religious?
mm pretty spiritual i guess...

31) What do you think of the last person who cut your hair?
Heh.. i like him. He's very.. from the western suburbs.. but he's alright

32) In the next 4 months, what are you looking forward to most?
mm more of the same, maybe doing a little less and enjoying a little more.

33) Why?
Because i like feeling balanced

34) Name something funny you said today?
"Cheered you up in a whiffy, make you feel all good like"

35) Have you ever broken up with someone and regretted it?
No i doubt it

36) Have you ever got naked at a party?
No

37) Have you ever sat and waited for someone to come online?
Yes

38) When was the last time you laughed so bad you thought you were going to die?
heh not die.. but with my girl recently sometimes :)

39) Crazy family members?
mmmmmmmmm yeah.

40) Did you tell someone something today?
What... were you expecting a vow of silence?

41) What did you tell them?
"Good morning" was probably the first thing i said?

42) When will your next kiss be?
I suppose we'll wait and see

43) Do you like dressing up?
mm sometimes, sure!

44) Have you ever considered a sex change?
erhm.. no. I'm quite happy as a boy.

45)open the nearest book near you?
heh.. this wonderful photo album full of lovely memories from a trip i went on recently

46)What does the first line say
it's a photo

47) What will your next buy be?
Car Rego. Hm :/

48) Have you ever felt replaced?
yes =(

49) Are you only friends with the rich?
of course not! As if money matters...

50) Who did you last shoot a dirty look at?
um i'm not sure? hm.. perhaps someone from work :\

51) Last person who called you, and what do you think about him/her?
Um Dan from work? Yeah she's ace

52) Has the opposite sex been in your room before?
Yes

53) What do you do when you have a bad day?
I cook, walk, talk about it, write about it.

54) Do you believe ex's can really ever be "just friends"?
yes, i believe so

55) Are you too shy to tell people when you're developing feelings for them?
no i don't think so

56) If you could pack up and leave your life now to move away, would you?
no

57) Do you dislike liars?
Mostly. Yes.

58) Does anyone want to ask you out right now?
no

59) Do you want to ask someone out right now?
:)

60) Do you dance while getting ready for whatever?
mm sometimes :)

61) Would you get married right now if you could?
Um, i think about it... um not fairly ready just yet. maybe in a few years or so...

62) Who will you be with Saturday?
My girl.

63) If you took a drug test would you pass it?
Yup

64) When was the last time you cried?
On the weekend :/

65) Are you a lover or fighter?
both, at the right times

66) What was the best thing that happened to you last year?
um, probably that i graduated and also got my job. Syntax was pretty special.

67) Do you curse a lot?
No

68) What is one thing your parents have recently found out about you?
That i'm dating joy again

69) Do you have a hard time admitting you're wrong?
no, i don't believe so

70) Are you of great importance in someone else's life?
i hope so?

71)Are you a really understanding person?
I believe so

72) Do you hide things well or do you have a guilty conscience?
Mo, guilty concience

73) Do you know anyone who has gotten an abortion?
Yes

74) What’s tomorrow?
Friday? A day with not much on? :)

75) Where is the person you need the most right now?
Where is the sun... that shone... on my head? The sun in my life... it is dead, it is dead...

76) If you could go back in time would you?
Erm... sure why not?

77) Biggest regret:
Um, probably lying to my 1st girlfriend.. :/

78) Are crushing on anyone right now?
Is grammer when verygood?

79) Ever been backstabbed by a really good friend?
Mm no i don't think so?

80) Have you ever licked a car?
Heh yeah when little.. it's not so good..

February and March and everything.

2008-03-31T12:39:03Z

Someone very wise (and friendly) once told me that the feeling of missing another is to be looked at as a good thing. It's quite a firmly rooted emotion; and it's something that reminds us we are human.

I'm only a few hours returned from the most amazing, wonderful trip to the country. Relaxing, romantic, and full of laughs. It's been... quite some years - since my last "away with a girl" kind of a trip, and Cobden was the perfect place to end up.

The past few hours have been the sort where you have trouble thinking about much else, or getting much things done... all crazy and reminiscing and ponderous-like. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine such deep feelings, all of the great things coupled with real admiration and respect and knowing that we're not invincible. I've intellectualised and sensed that this is turning into deeper and the feeling I have right at this moment (it's a very specific kind of 'missing' feeling - something I haven't in ages) is confirmation enough for me.

I wonder whether I've met anyone so thoughtful and sweet. She's unbelievably kind; and friendly and spirited too. She's nice to animals and it was even her idea to stop the car and walk a bit in the forest! Contrary to what you might think, she's really optimistic too. I think she had a good break. I really think... know.. She's changed, and I've changed too. But what's really important is that we've changed.... and we can overcome anything now.

Cobden itself was lovely. Sometimes, all I could hear was a clock ticking and the breath of us snoozing in the afternoon. It's the sort of place where there's really never too much going on; other than of course the flurry of grasshoppers, the rustle of windy trees, the floating scent of seaside and cattle. The weather was sunnier than expected.

From hot chocolates in sunny autumns of Daylesford, through secluded beach ports and forgotten rainforest tracks... from munching on crackers to feeding horses through to playing darts or rugging up to watch a flick at home. To go on such a holiday with my best friend is a gift. To have her as my partner is baffling; and for us to come to this realization after all we've been through - is almost incomprehensible. And the stars were serious; something to behold.

In a few words: I'm me when I'm with her.

---

Chinese new year, 7th Feb

It was a while ago now, but I did Chinese New Year.

I too Chinese new year off work (as always). Compared to last year; my CNY was quiet and subdue, yet it was still a spiritual, happy one. The night before Chinese New Year, I had a great night of friends and relaxing, watching Australia v. Qatar in a soccer match. Talking with Pete about derby matches was geeky, while singing happy Qatar songs with Amie was fun. To was a happy night followed by some incredibly torrential weather.

Yes, I'd made the mistake of cycling to the game. As a result; my new year technically started by getting pelted... drenched... with bucket loads of rain. It had been literally years since I've been that wet on a bike before (a 30min trip took +2hrs!)... and ages since I remembered that much rain in Feb.

The day itself was a quiet one... mostly spent relaxing and/or cooking/eating bits of nice foods (Banh Chung! =) I went to one temple and spent a good amount of time in gardens or quietly wandering... but nothing excessive.

It was a really nice day; it also had me realize that - compared to last year - I guess I'm just not as Buddhist as I used to be. It's a strange, but nice sort of feeling; that is, spirituality was a huge part of my year last year; but '07 was much more along Taoist lines than Buddhist ones for me last year. Nonetheless, It was great to take a day off, and a lovely one at that.

---

Most of the following week was spent discovering an arty side within me. I bought some pencils, and for the first time in my life, I sat down and spent hours just drawing. I mean I’m still quite terrible at it; but I have a lot of respect fort eh medium. It's like composition: I like how honoured a craft it is, yet how one still holds the ability to touch others profoundly, originally.

---

Despite some nerves about the weather; BeachParty '08 turned out to be the most wonderful success story. Bigger, better, and more fun that expected; it was a great night of demos and catching up with friends. Between Duncan, Chris, Ev, ript and Rob, there wasn't an overwhelming amount of organizing to do - and meeting some great new faces like Colwyn^The Force, OneVoltSun and Blade002, was terrific. There were also some downright wacky demos rehashed.

There were almost as many people there as there was at Syntax last year; which for "not really a demoparty" is terribly cool. Most excitedly, it has me thinking seriously about Syntax already; mentally preparing for this and budgeting for that.

---

Again more a few weeks ago now, but I went away to Bright, VIC, on a last-minute Australia Day Weekend trek with Jules. What ensued was bushwalking, visiting nice remote bits of the region, fresh foods by the Owens River, and an ultimately decent weekend. Even if the accommodation was notably band, and the town was infested by some 3,000 bike riders (apparently the Alpine Classic is a big thing...), Bright still remains a favourite spot to visit - especially in the summer.

---

I'm an UNCLE! Yes, MY sister gave birth to a health little Zac Sebastian; her first. Newborns are the death of sleep - she hasn't slept yet! But thankfully, I don't think she's stopped smiling, either.

---

A few days ago, someone did this really cool thing - they jumped on the rim of my bike, and hence wrecked it. I was initially pretty upset; granted for feelings of more sentimental discourse than of material ones. Claudio's bike served me really well - for the times that I really needed it - and beyond. Granted, it was a big old heavy thing that was worth nothing; but I had an excellent run out of it.

That said; a week later, some kind gestures by my roommates, and a couple of hundred dollars later - I have bought another new (well, 2nd hand) one, which is really quite shiny. I've not yet worn it in yet, but the forecast looks sunny. It's the most expensive bike I've had yet (not that it's 'expensive'); but It should last good. It even has a bracket to actually fit my random German flashlight - bonus!

---

I was talking to my girl last week; and she pointed something out that I've been thinking about. I don't think I'd be remotely the same person - not nearly as happy or at peace, If I had gotten into honours study. This sort of hit home when I bumped into Lilly (a artist-like uni friend who got in) - all sad and stressed and annoyed like. It's funny - studying music is a beautiful way to live your life, but with it comes a barrel load of stress and sleep deprivation, nerves and fluctuations and downs, forms and procedures and absolutely no money. Five months ago I was a person of completely different demeanour; one very nearly burnt out. Granted, I still work hard occasionally (I got my organ piece into SOV, which I’m damn proud of); but the sanity bought about by being in an actually stable relationship/house/work/family/spanish class/soccer team - it's a welcome change.

Financially - I'm ok. Slowly but surely. I've lots to pay for but I'm making some too... at least I'm covering my costs pretty well.

---

Oh yeah! I've apparently been granted the right to graduate; that happens in mid-may. Not sure what to expect; but I'm sure it will be kinda nice.

in depth

2008-03-27T12:42:58Z

This report compares scott_mr_scotty from the country Australia to other adult men. (The name used in this report is either a nickname chosen by the person taking the test, or, if a valid nickname was not chosen, a random nickname generated by the program.) This report estimates the individual's level on each of the five broad personality domains of the Five-Factor Model. The description of each one of the five broad domains is followed by a more detailed description of personality according to the six subdomains that comprise each domain.

John A. Johnson wrote descriptions of the five domains and thirty subdomains. These descriptions are based on an extensive reading of the scientific literature on personality measurement. Although Dr. Johnson would like to be acknowledged as the author of these materials if they are reproduced, he has placed them in the public domain.

Extraversion
Extraversion is marked by pronounced engagement with the external world. Extraverts enjoy being with people, are full of energy, and often experience positive emotions. They tend to be enthusiastic, action-oriented, individuals who are likely to say "Yes!" or "Let's go!" to opportunities for excitement. In groups they like to talk, assert themselves, and draw attention to themselves.

Introverts lack the exuberance, energy, and activity levels of extraverts. They tend to be quiet, low-key, deliberate, and disengaged from the social world. Their lack of social involvement should not be interpreted as shyness or depression; the introvert simply needs less stimulation than an extravert and prefers to be alone. The independence and reserve of the introvert is sometimes mistaken as unfriendliness or arrogance. In reality, an introvert who scores high on the agreeableness dimension will not seek others out but will be quite pleasant when approached.

Domain/Facet........... Score 0--------10--------20--------30--------40--------50--------60--------70--------80--------90--------99

EXTRAVERSION...............42 ******************************************

..Friendliness.............74 **************************************************************************

..Gregariousness...........57 *********************************************************

..Assertiveness............13 *************

..Activity Level...........18 ******************

..Excitement-Seeking.......28 ****************************

..Cheerfulness.............72 ************************************************************************

Your score on Extraversion is average, indicating you are neither a subdued loner nor a jovial chatterbox. You enjoy time with others but also time alone.

Extraversion Facets:
Friendliness. Friendly people genuinely like other people and openly demonstrate positive feelings toward others. They make friends quickly and it is easy for them to form close, intimate relationships. Low scorers on Friendliness are not necessarily cold and hostile, but they do not reach out to others and are perceived as distant and reserved. Your level of friendliness is high.
Gregariousness. Gregarious people find the company of others pleasantly stimulating and rewarding. They enjoy the excitement of crowds. Low scorers tend to feel overwhelmed by, and therefore actively avoid, large crowds. They do not necessarily dislike being with people sometimes, but their need for privacy and time to themselves is much greater than for individuals who score high on this scale. Your level of gregariousness is average.
Assertiveness. High scorers Assertiveness like to speak out, take charge, and direct the activities of others. They tend to be leaders in groups. Low scorers tend not to talk much and let others control the activities of groups. Your level of assertiveness is low.
Activity Level. Active individuals lead fast-paced, busy lives. They move about quickly, energetically, and vigorously, and they are involved in many activities. People who score low on this scale follow a slower and more leisurely, relaxed pace. Your activity level is low.
Excitement-Seeking. High scorers on this scale are easily bored without high levels of stimulation. They love bright lights and hustle and bustle. They are likely to take risks and seek thrills. Low scorers are overwhelmed by noise and commotion and are adverse to thrill-seeking. Your level of excitement-seeking is low.
Cheerfulness. This scale measures positive mood and feelings, not negative emotions (which are a part of the Neuroticism domain). Persons who score high on this scale typically experience a range of positive feelings, including happiness, enthusiasm, optimism, and joy. Low scorers are not as prone to such energetic, high spirits. Your level of positive emotions is high.

Agreeableness
Agreeableness reflects individual differences in concern with cooperation and social harmony. Agreeable individuals value getting along with others. They are therefore considerate, friendly, generous, helpful, and willing to compromise their interests with others'. Agreeable people also have an optimistic view of human nature. They believe people are basically honest, decent, and trustworthy.

Disagreeable individuals place self-interest above getting along with others. They are generally unconcerned with others' well-being, and therefore are unlikely to extend themselves for other people. Sometimes their skepticism about others' motives causes them to be suspicious, unfriendly, and uncooperative.

Agreeableness is obviously advantageous for attaining and maintaining popularity. Agreeable people are better liked than disagreeable people. On the other hand, agreeableness is not useful in situations that require tough or absolute objective decisions. Disagreeable people can make excellent scientists, critics, or soldiers.

Domain/Facet........... Score 0--------10--------20--------30--------40--------50--------60--------70--------80--------90--------99

AGREEABLENESS..............83 ***********************************************************************************

..Trust....................65 *****************************************************************

..Morality.................75 ***************************************************************************

..Altruism.................46 **********************************************

..Cooperation..............91 *******************************************************************************************

..Modesty..................81 *********************************************************************************

..Sympathy.................74 **************************************************************************

Your high level of Agreeableness indicates a strong interest in others' needs and well-being. You are pleasant, sympathetic, and cooperative.

Agreeableness Facets
Trust. A person with high trust assumes that most people are fair, honest, and have good intentions. Persons low in trust see others as selfish, devious, and potentially dangerous. Your level of trust is average.
Morality. High scorers on this scale see no need for pretense or manipulation when dealing with others and are therefore candid, frank, and sincere. Low scorers believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary. People find it relatively easy to relate to the straightforward high-scorers on this scale. They generally find it more difficult to relate to the unstraightforward low-scorers on this scale. It should be made clear that low scorers are not unprincipled or immoral; they are simply more guarded and less willing to openly reveal the whole truth. Your level of morality is high.
Altruism. Altruistic people find helping other people genuinely rewarding. Consequently, they are generally willing to assist those who are in need. Altruistic people find that doing things for others is a form of self-fulfillment rather than self-sacrifice. Low scorers on this scale do not particularly like helping those in need. Requests for help feel like an imposition rather than an opportunity for self-fulfillment. Your level of altruism is average.
Cooperation. Individuals who score high on this scale dislike confrontations. They are perfectly willing to compromise or to deny their own needs in order to get along with others. Those who score low on this scale are more likely to intimidate others to get their way. Your level of compliance is high.
Modesty. High scorers on this scale do not like to claim that they are better than other people. In some cases this attitude may derive from low self-confidence or self-esteem. Nonetheless, some people with high self-esteem find immodesty unseemly. Those who are willing to describe themselves as superior tend to be seen as disagreeably arrogant by other people. Your level of modesty is high.
Sympathy. People who score high on this scale are tenderhearted and compassionate. They feel the pain of others vicariously and are easily moved to pity. Low scorers are not affected strongly by human suffering. They pride themselves on making objective judgments based on reason. They are more concerned with truth and impartial justice than with mercy. Your level of tender-mindedness is high.

Conscientiousness
Conscientiousness concerns the way in which we control, regulate, and direct our impulses. Impulses are not inherently bad; occasionally time constraints require a snap decision, and acting on our first impulse can be an effective response. Also, in times of play rather than work, acting spontaneously and impulsively can be fun. Impulsive individuals can be seen by others as colorful, fun-to-be-with, and zany.

Nonetheless, acting on impulse can lead to trouble in a number of ways. Some impulses are antisocial. Uncontrolled antisocial acts not only harm other members of society, but also can result in retribution toward the perpetrator of such impulsive acts. Another problem with impulsive acts is that they often produce immediate rewards but undesirable, long-term consequences. Examples include excessive socializing that leads to being fired from one's job, hurling an insult that causes the breakup of an important relationship, or using pleasure-inducing drugs that eventually destroy one's health.

Impulsive behavior, even when not seriously destructive, diminishes a person's effectiveness in significant ways. Acting impulsively disallows contemplating alternative courses of action, some of which would have been wiser than the impulsive choice. Impulsivity also sidetracks people during projects that require organized sequences of steps or stages. Accomplishments of an impulsive person are therefore small, scattered, and inconsistent.

A hallmark of intelligence, what potentially separates human beings from earlier life forms, is the ability to think about future consequences before acting on an impulse. Intelligent activity involves contemplation of long-range goals, organizing and planning routes to these goals, and persisting toward one's goals in the face of short-lived impulses to the contrary. The idea that intelligence involves impulse control is nicely captured by the term prudence, an alternative label for the Conscientiousness domain. Prudent means both wise and cautious. Persons who score high on the Conscientiousness scale are, in fact, perceived by others as intelligent.

The benefits of high conscientiousness are obvious. Conscientious individuals avoid trouble and achieve high levels of success through purposeful planning and persistence. They are also positively regarded by others as intelligent and reliable. On the negative side, they can be compulsive perfectionists and workaholics. Furthermore, extremely conscientious individuals might be regarded as stuffy and boring. Unconscientious people may be criticized for their unreliability, lack of ambition, and failure to stay within the lines, but they will experience many short-lived pleasures and they will never be called stuffy.

Domain/Facet........... Score 0--------10--------20--------30--------40--------50--------60--------70--------80--------90--------99

CONSCIENTIOUSNESS..........58 **********************************************************

..Self-Efficacy............70 **********************************************************************

..Orderliness..............59 ***********************************************************

..Dutifulness..............80 ********************************************************************************

..Achievement-Striving.....11 ***********

..Self-Discipline..........65 *****************************************************************

..Cautiousness.............57 *********************************************************

Your score on Conscientiousness is average. This means you are reasonably reliable, organized, and self-controlled.

Conscientiousness Facets
Self-Efficacy. Self-Efficacy describes confidence in one's ability to accomplish things. High scorers believe they have the intelligence (common sense), drive, and self-control necessary for achieving success. Low scorers do not feel effective, and may have a sense that they are not in control of their lives. Your level of self-efficacy is high.
Orderliness. Persons with high scores on orderliness are well-organized. They like to live according to routines and schedules. They keep lists and make plans. Low scorers tend to be disorganized and scattered. Your level of orderliness is average.
Dutifulness. This scale reflects the strength of a person's sense of duty and obligation. Those who score high on this scale have a strong sense of moral obligation. Low scorers find contracts, rules, and regulations overly confining. They are likely to be seen as unreliable or even irresponsible. Your level of dutifulness is high.
Achievement-Striving. Individuals who score high on this scale strive hard to achieve excellence. Their drive to be recognized as successful keeps them on track toward their lofty goals. They often have a strong sense of direction in life, but extremely high scores may be too single-minded and obsessed with their work. Low scorers are content to get by with a minimal amount of work, and might be seen by others as lazy. Your level of achievement striving is low.
Self-Discipline. Self-discipline-what many people call will-power-refers to the ability to persist at difficult or unpleasant tasks until they are completed. People who possess high self-discipline are able to overcome reluctance to begin tasks and stay on track despite distractions. Those with low self-discipline procrastinate and show poor follow-through, often failing to complete tasks-even tasks they want very much to complete. Your level of self-discipline is average.
Cautiousness. Cautiousness describes the disposition to think through possibilities before acting. High scorers on the Cautiousness scale take their time when making decisions. Low scorers often say or do first thing that comes to mind without deliberating alternatives and the probable consequences of those alternatives. Your level of cautiousness is average.

Neuroticism
Freud originally used the term neurosis to describe a condition marked by mental distress, emotional suffering, and an inability to cope effectively with the normal demands of life. He suggested that everyone shows some signs of neurosis, but that we differ in our degree of suffering and our specific symptoms of distress. Today neuroticism refers to the tendency to experience negative feelings. Those who score high on Neuroticism may experience primarily one specific negative feeling such as anxiety, anger, or depression, but are likely to experience several of these emotions. People high in neuroticism are emotionally reactive. They respond emotionally to events that would not affect most people, and their reactions tend to be more intense than normal. They are more likely to interpret ordinary situations as threatening, and minor frustrations as hopelessly difficult. Their negative emotional reactions tend to persist for unusually long periods of time, which means they are often in a bad mood. These problems in emotional regulation can diminish a neurotic's ability to think clearly, make decisions, and cope effectively with stress.

At the other end of the scale, individuals who score low in neuroticism are less easily upset and are less emotionally reactive. They tend to be calm, emotionally stable, and free from persistent negative feelings. Freedom from negative feelings does not mean that low scorers experience a lot of positive feelings; frequency of positive emotions is a component of the Extraversion domain.

Domain/Facet........... Score 0--------10--------20--------30--------40--------50--------60--------70--------80--------90--------99

NEUROTICISM................11 ***********

..Anxiety..................18 ******************

..Anger....................7 *******

..Depression...............12 ************

..Self-Consciousness.......32 ********************************

..Immoderation.............5 *****

..Vulnerability............51 ***************************************************

Your score on Neuroticism is low, indicating that you are exceptionally calm, composed and unflappable. You do not react with intense emotions, even to situations that most people would describe as stressful.

Neuroticism Facets
Anxiety. The "fight-or-flight" system of the brain of anxious individuals is too easily and too often engaged. Therefore, people who are high in anxiety often feel like something dangerous is about to happen. They may be afraid of specific situations or be just generally fearful. They feel tense, jittery, and nervous. Persons low in Anxiety are generally calm and fearless. Your level of anxiety is low.
Anger. Persons who score high in Anger feel enraged when things do not go their way. They are sensitive about being treated fairly and feel resentful and bitter when they feel they are being cheated. This scale measures the tendency to feel angry; whether or not the person expresses annoyance and hostility depends on the individual's level on Agreeableness. Low scorers do not get angry often or easily. Your level of anger is low.
Depression. This scale measures the tendency to feel sad, dejected, and discouraged. High scorers lack energy and have difficult initiating activities. Low scorers tend to be free from these depressive feelings. Your level of depression is low.
Self-Consciousness. Self-conscious individuals are sensitive about what others think of them. Their concern about rejection and ridicule cause them to feel shy and uncomfortable abound others. They are easily embarrassed and often feel ashamed. Their fears that others will criticize or make fun of them are exaggerated and unrealistic, but their awkwardness and discomfort may make these fears a self-fulfilling prophecy. Low scorers, in contrast, do not suffer from the mistaken impression that everyone is watching and judging them. They do not feel nervous in social situations. Your level or self-consciousness is average.
Immoderation. Immoderate individuals feel strong cravings and urges that they have have difficulty resisting. They tend to be oriented toward short-term pleasures and rewards rather than long- term consequences. Low scorers do not experience strong, irresistible cravings and consequently do not find themselves tempted to overindulge. Your level of immoderation is low.
Vulnerability. High scorers on Vulnerability experience panic, confusion, and helplessness when under pressure or stress. Low scorers feel more poised, confident, and clear-thinking when stressed. Your level of vulnerability is average.

Openness to Experience
Openness to Experience describes a dimension of cognitive style that distinguishes imaginative, creative people from down-to-earth, conventional people. Open people are intellectually curious, appreciative of art, and sensitive to beauty. They tend to be, compared to closed people, more aware of their feelings. They tend to think and act in individualistic and nonconforming ways. Intellectuals typically score high on Openness to Experience; consequently, this factor has also been called Culture or Intellect. Nonetheless, Intellect is probably best regarded as one aspect of openness to experience. Scores on Openness to Experience are only modestly related to years of education and scores on standard intelligent tests.

Another characteristic of the open cognitive style is a facility for thinking in symbols and abstractions far removed from concrete experience. Depending on the individual's specific intellectual abilities, this symbolic cognition may take the form of mathematical, logical, or geometric thinking, artistic and metaphorical use of language, music composition or performance, or one of the many visual or performing arts. People with low scores on openness to experience tend to have narrow, common interests. They prefer the plain, straightforward, and obvious over the complex, ambiguous, and subtle. They may regard the arts and sciences with suspicion, regarding these endeavors as abstruse or of no practical use. Closed people prefer familiarity over novelty; they are conservative and resistant to change.

Openness is often presented as healthier or more mature by psychologists, who are often themselves open to experience. However, open and closed styles of thinking are useful in different environments. The intellectual style of the open person may serve a professor well, but research has shown that closed thinking is related to superior job performance in police work, sales, and a number of service occupations.

Domain/Facet........... Score 0--------10--------20--------30--------40--------50--------60--------70--------80--------90--------99

OPENNESS TO EXPERIENCE.....86 **************************************************************************************

..Imagination..............33 *********************************

..Artistic Interests.......92 ********************************************************************************************

..Emotionality.............82 **********************************************************************************

..Adventurousness..........56 ********************************************************

..Intellect................55 *******************************************************

..Liberalism...............98 **************************************************************************************************
Your score on Openness to Experience is high, indicating you enjoy novelty, variety, and change. You are curious, imaginative, and creative.

Openness Facets
Imagination. To imaginative individuals, the real world is often too plain and ordinary. High scorers on this scale use fantasy as a way of creating a richer, more interesting world. Low scorers are on this scale are more oriented to facts than fantasy. Your level of imagination is average.
Artistic Interests. High scorers on this scale love beauty, both in art and in nature. They become easily involved and absorbed in artistic and natural events. They are not necessarily artistically trained nor talented, although many will be. The defining features of this scale are interest in, and appreciation of natural and artificial beauty. Low scorers lack aesthetic sensitivity and interest in the arts. Your level of artistic interests is high.
Emotionality. Persons high on Emotionality have good access to and awareness of their own feelings. Low scorers are less aware of their feelings and tend not to express their emotions openly. Your level of emotionality is high.
Adventurousness. High scorers on adventurousness are eager to try new activities, travel to foreign lands, and experience different things. They find familiarity and routine boring, and will take a new route home just because it is different. Low scorers tend to feel uncomfortable with change and prefer familiar routines. Your level of adventurousness is average.
Intellect. Intellect and artistic interests are the two most important, central aspects of openness to experience. High scorers on Intellect love to play with ideas. They are open-minded to new and unusual ideas, and like to debate intellectual issues. They enjoy riddles, puzzles, and brain teasers. Low scorers on Intellect prefer dealing with either people or things rather than ideas. They regard intellectual exercises as a waste of time. Intellect should not be equated with intelligence. Intellect is an intellectual style, not an intellectual ability, although high scorers on Intellect score slightly higher than low-Intellect individuals on standardized intelligence tests. Your level of intellect is average.
Liberalism. Psychological liberalism refers to a readiness to challenge authority, convention, and traditional values. In its most extreme form, psychological liberalism can even represent outright hostility toward rules, sympathy for law-breakers, and love of ambiguity, chaos, and disorder. Psychological conservatives prefer the security and stability brought by conformity to tradition. Psychological liberalism and conservatism are not identical to political affiliation, but certainly incline individuals toward certain political parties. Your level of liberalism is high.

kosmoplovci @ 2008-03-27T03:07:00

2008-03-26T16:14:21Z

it's really late.. like 3:30am late. I"m just watching the rest of my score pour out of the printer. So glad it's finished, and that it looks good.

I'm due for a real post soon... and there will be one; as soon as I get back from my few days in the country, this weekend. Today was (questionably) the 1x month anniversary of my girl and I. I say questionably because... well, I'm dating Joy again.

Anyway other than tired as hell I'm really good. Work's been good and times have been musical. In there was easter and other things as well. I got my freaking organ work finished. Today Joy suprised me with Mindcandy DVDs. She's such a wonderful soul who's making life just.. stupendo.. right now.

*checking printer* FINALLY we are duplexing and the right order and the right way up. Karma owes me a quiet day at work tomorrow...

Congratulations Scott - You are a chosen one!

2008-03-21T07:18:17Z

How You Approach Life
Wherever you go Chosen One, you do the right thing. You have an uncanny sense of what is right and what is wrong in this world, and you side with the good-guys every time. People recognize this in you, which is why they might often come to you for advice. People don't see you as judgmental. How could they when you tend to look at an issue from so many sides? Not everybody has the tolerance, or interest, in fairness that you do. But then, not everybody is as motivated as you are to please others.

When it comes to pleasing people, you are a pro. Your balance of insight, kindness and understanding of situations around you is much more developed than most. You are probably a good sympathizer and empathizer, and that adds to your wisdom. You are curious and interested in your immediate environment and you are concerned with how you fit into the world at large. Trouble and unrest on the other side of the planet might as well be in your backyard. You are unusually sensitive to understanding people's plight — even when they come from a completely different background. When it comes right down to it, you're a caregiver — whether you know it or not. Maybe you tend to people's immediate problems, or perhaps you work on a larger scale — pushing ideas, or supporting good causes. Either way, you look out for people.

Though sometimes you might feel under-appreciated for your efforts, you rarely embark on a cause for the glory of it. Still, you do appreciate when people applaud your efforts, or admit that they admire your work ethic and dedication. Even if you don't hear it through your modesty, people tend to trust you, and respect your opinion when it most counts. On a subconscious level, this must have translated into your high-level of confidence about who you are and what you stand for.

As thoughtful as you are, there's still a more spontaneous, adventure-seeking side of you. That combined with your ever-present curiosity leads to a particularly high energy level that people both envy, and want to have around them.

You are warm, giving, knowing, and patient. You go after your goals, but not at the expense of others. Even when you have to step on a few toes to get things done, people have a hard time getting frustrated by you. That's probably because your intentions are usually honorable and you emit very natural, positive feelings. Not to mention, you are unusually reliable and responsible.

There's a reason you're a Chosen One. So get out there and do the world some good.

Your areas of greatest vulnerability
You are driven to do a good job and take pride in your responsibilities. This brings you lots of satisfaction — not to mention the admiration of others. But do you ever find that you push yourself too hard? With so much confidence and such a strong sense of self, you may find yourself determined to finish a task so you don't let others down. The problem comes in when you feel responsible for situations that may be out of your control. This happens to everyone, but for you, this has a different kind of impact. Be your best: It may help to remember that it's okay to let others down once in a while, to let things go sometimes. You needn't worry that this will become a pattern for you, or that you'll lose your values or sense of pride. Your core competence and responsibility are very deep, solid qualities that you can trust. And knowing this can help you begin to give yourself a break occasionally.

Section II — What makes you a Chosen One?

Your personality is actually determined by two personality sub-types — your primary, or dominant sub-type, and your secondary sub-type.

In your case, Chosen One, your two sub-types are Golden and Seeker. Your primary sub-type is defined by "Golden" characteristics and your secondary sub-type is defined by "Seeker" characteristics.

Your primary type is Golden
Like other people with Golden characteristics, you have relatively high self-esteem and are very conscientious. You tend to be someone others rely on since you're responsible, dependable, and dutiful. You are also probably pretty efficient — you hate to waste time. You like to go about life with a positive attitude — both about yourself and the world around you.

You're known intellectually as a careful, deliberating thinker. In terms of entertainment, you gravitate toward media that is romantic, happy, and inspiring — avoiding the more dark, edgy or sad subjects. Lastly, you probably have interests in a wide variety of things including cooking, eating out, nutrition, travel, sports, recreation, fitness, health and traditional religion.

You are the rare being who wants nothing more than to have a positive effect on the world. Not only are you are driven to make the world smooth and efficient so that everyone can live in harmony, but you actively look for ways you can make this dream a reality. Occasionally, this dream can manifest out a fear that if you don't take care of the problems of the world, nobody will. You may have a lack of faith that things will not be okay unless you intervene.

Your secondary type is Seeker
People with Seeker characteristics have a thirst for highly stimulating experiences. They gravitate towards unpredictable situations and they thrive in those environments. Seekers would rather improvise than live by a strict calendar that adds structure to their daily life. They seek out ever-evolving experiences because they tend to find consistent routines boring and unstimulating.

Seekers also like to explore intellectually, which is why they tend to enjoy abstract thinking. With everything they do, Seekers enjoy the challenge of new situations. In terms of entertainment, they like media that is dark and edgy, flashy and loud, strange, and intellectual. They tend to be interested in activities that get them out in the world like the performing arts and new age spirituality.

Section III — Your Four Personality Dimensions
Your primary and secondary personality sub-types determine your personality type. There are, however, additional elements that contribute to your complete personality profile.

Based on how you answered the questions on the Ultimate Personality Test, we have determined where you fall on four distinct personality scales: Relaxed/Apprehensive, Self-Doubt/Confidence, Safety-Seeking/ Risk-Taking, and Internal Experience/External Appearance. The scales are not dependent on one another. They are meant to show you whether you tend towards one or the other extreme, or are somewhere in the middle.

Here's the breakdown of your scores on the four personality dimension scales.

Relaxed + Apprehensive
Self-Doubt + Confidence
Safety-Seeking + Risk-Taking
Internal Experience + External Appearance

Relaxed versus Apprehensive

Your scores place you in the extremely relaxed region of the relaxed/apprehensive scale. This means that relative to others who have taken the test, you have a calm disposition. It also indicates that you are good at dealing with change and chaotic situations.

Like other people who score high on the relaxed side of this scale, you are likely to be stimulated by chaos and may approach life with a "the more the better" kind of attitude. Your energy levels veer toward high because you tend to be relaxed about problems that are out of you control. You are someone who is relatively less inclined to react emotionally to things that happen — not because you don't feel the emotions, but because you don't let things get to you as easily as others.

The flip side of this is people who score high on the apprehensive side of this scale. They are likely to be drawn to situations that are less stimulating to their senses. Because they are easily affected by change, they try to stay away from environments that can over-stimulate them.

These people have strong reactions to what others would consider minor changes. That is why people who score high on the apprehensive side of the scale try to slow down the pace. When faced with chaotic situations, they will look for more calming places to be. Despite their talents, they are generally more self-critical and shy than others, even if it seems there's no reason for them to be.

Since you're someone who thrives on excitement, you need to take time to analyze different aspects of your life if you're feeling unhappy. Are you feeling stunted, bored or depressed about something you can't quite put a finger on? The answer could lie in uncovering an element of your routine that isn't challenging or stimulating enough. Is your job predictable or easy? Do have a hard time finding good entertainment in your town? Are your relationships falling into a rut?

Even if friends and family envy your life — your home, your mate, your job — remember it's ok if you're still not satisfied. It doesn't mean that you're not grateful, it simply means that you need a change to keep you from being bored. If you're not up for dramatic life changes, make sure you're vigilant about mixing things up a little: take a new class, plan a trip, learn a new skill, or start an art project.

Self-Doubt versus Confidence

Your scores place you in the extremely confident region of the self-doubt/confidence scale. This means that relative to others who have taken the test, you are satisfied with who you are. It also indicates that you are dependable and generally have a positive outlook on yourself and your surroundings.

Like other people who score high on the confidence side of the scale, you are probably self-assured and responsible. Because of these traits, you are often the one friends and colleagues have come to rely on — both on the job and in personal situations. Your self-esteem is high and, as a result, you're known as a natural leader.

On the flip side are people who score high on the self-doubt side. They have a tendency to look to others to determine their self-worth. They seek calm environments and often focus their energies on jobs that have less responsibility and are therefore less stressful. They are sometimes prone to being overly-critical about themselves, but can work their way out of those thoughts because ultimately, others might point out their talents.

If you're feeling some unrest in your life it could be because you don't have as many responsibilities as you'd like to. Other people may be telling you to unload your burdens, that you do too much. But, for you, the opposite might actually be true. You are willing and capable, so maybe it's time to take on a few new projects.

Safety-Seeking versus Risk-Taking

Your scores place you in the mid-range of the safety-seeking/risk-taking scale. This means that relative to others who have taken the test, you are more risk-taking than some and less risk-taking than others. It basically indicates that you have a good idea when to play it safe and when to throw caution to the wind and leave things up to chance.

To give you an idea of how to gauge yourself on the safety-seeking/risk-taking scale, let's look at people whose scores lie on the extreme ends of the spectrum.

People who score high on the risk-taking side combine a love of the new and unusual with a talent for inquisitive, abstract thinking. They seek out action and find structure and predictability to be strangling experiences.

People who score high on the safety-seeking side of the safety-seeking/risk-taking scale prefer their environments to remain stable. They feel that predictability has positive connotations and that stability is a comfort and an indication of safety.

Some things in life are within your control and some aren't. If you're feeling intimidated, or uncertain throughout your days, take a look at your life and figure out which areas are unpredictable and what areas are not. You can't eliminate the unpredictable. But there might be ways you can better structure your routine around the unpredictable.

For example, you can control which train you want to take, but you can't control if the train is going to be on time. By recognizing the elements you can be in charge of, you can adapt your patterns accordingly. If you have a critical meeting, realize there is a possibility that your train could be late. Instead of racing out the door at the last second, prepare yourself to catch the early train — just in case your regular train is late. Learn an alternate route. Is there a different bus you could take, a faster train that leaves from a different stop? Since you feel most comfortable in predictable situations, try thinking ahead and structuring where you can.

External Appearance versus Internal Experience

Your scores place you in the moderate internal experience region of the internal experience/external appearance scale. This means that relative to others who have taken the test, you're focused on the internal experience of a given situation. It also indicates that occasionally, you take more pride in how things appear to others.

Since you scored just slightly more on the internal experience side of things, let's take a look at characteristics of people who scored more towards the extremes of the scale to gauge where you fall in between.

People who score high on the internal experience side of the scale don't really believe that material possessions are a reflection of their success. In fact, they tend not to focus on how things appear to others at all. They feel that success comes from doing a good job, and knowing that they have positively influenced the world.

People who score high on the external appearance end of the scale tend to be motivated by a wish to be socially desirable. They want to move up and be seen in the world. For them, true success is important, and material possessions are the sign they have achieved it. Therefore, these people sometimes believe that happiness is directly a result of success and that the possessions they own are a reflection of that success.

If you're feeling dissatisfied, take a look at your life and figure out if there are areas where you are compromising your values. Is your heart really in it when you go to the gym every day or are you doing it because your friends are? You probably have your own reasons, but don't fall in with friends just to be part of your group — even if it seems the thing to do at the time.

While friends might be racing to buy the latest electronic gadget or flashy car, you might wonder why you don't have a strong drive to acquire the same things. Don't worry. You're just happier focusing on other things in your life. That's not to say you don't like having nice things, it's just that you acquire things you need more than things you want to show off. If you feel indifferent toward external appearances, it may not be worth it to you to put much energy into maintaining them. Listen to yourself, since it's you — not other people — who knows what you like best.

Section IV — The Chosen One and the World Around You

How Others See You
People see you as down to earth with a free spirit. You convey your genuineness to others with your ability to focus on what counts — you are not easily swayed by superficial things. You also don't act in fake ways to “get ahead” or to look better than others. People notice that about you and appreciate it. People intuitively trust you with their secrets. They can see that you are not judgmental, and that appeals to many. You are open and free, yet grounded in the things that really matter.

Communication Style
When communicating with others, you are both confident and calm — a powerfully appealing combination. Your even demeanor means it's rare for you to become upset or overwhelmed. In fact, you're likely to act as a neutralizing force when things get really intense. When you're approached aggressively, you're unlikely to react defensively. It is important for you to stay sensitive and realize that what might appear irrational in others may just be the manifestation of their own self-doubt. Use your strength to have compassion for others.

Your Romantic Life
You have high standards for love, believing in one love that outshines the others. To you, successful romance has two aspects: an emotional connection based on mutual care, and doing things together that you and your partner both love. You're happy with someone who enjoys the unexpected as much as you do. You'll both be excited at the prospect of situations with an unknown outcome. You and your well-suited mate enjoy high quality conversation and fulfilling experiences together. You are deep, sincere and willing to take emotional risks. You succeed in romance when you use your intuition and intelligence to choose someone whose compatibility with you goes deeper than the surface.

You At Your Best
You would love it if every day were full of play and freedom. When you can indulge your creativity, zest for fun and knack for expressing yourself, you're at most definitely at your best. For balance in your life, however, it's important for you to build in times of peace, quiet and recovery. Left to your own instincts, you can become overstimulated at times, and exhausted by exploring all of your interests. So give yourself the gift of some downtime. That'll set you up to be really present when you follow your passions for exploration and fun.

Achieving Success
You don't need possessions and status to prove your self-worth. So what does ambition mean to you? As long as you're pleased with what you are doing, there's no need to strive for more. With this combination of traits, you're beautifully suited to finding work that is personally fulfilling and of service to others. You're fortunate to not have self-esteem tied up with external success, so ask yourself what you want to accomplish with all that talent — and then enjoy the process.

What Really Motivates You
Motivation for you is simple: doing the right thing. You have a crystal clear sense of your values — and you settle for nothing less than acting with the utmost integrity. You love to help others, prevent problems and, in general, be the responsible party. You are intensely motivated by your wish to always be part of the solution and to vigorously avoid ever contributing to the problem.

Conflict
You value issues that go beneath the surface so you're not likely to get caught up in petty conflicts. When you do find yourself in conflict with people, it's likely to be people you're truly close to and with whom you're emotionally engaged. The topic of the conflict tends to be something fairly complex and definitely profound and challenging. Your insight and calm help you get through these situations with minimal drama. The only drawback there is that sometimes people mistake your cool demeanor for not caring about the issue. Your challenge is to communicate that getting upset isn't the only way to thoughtfully address a difficult issue.

Getting Unstuck in Your Life
For you, being stuck in your life is not likely to mean stuck in self-doubt or self-defeating patterns. You're more likely to get stuck on a whirring treadmill of activities, ideas and adventures. Although you're often admired for your energy and gusto for living, the downside is that you can exhaust yourself and miss out on some of life's subtler pleasures. Another possible pitfall is that those around you — your friends, your sweetheart, your friends and family — don't naturally run at the same non-stop pace. This means that sometimes you wind up dragging them along on your sprint through life. Your challenge is to slow down, take some time for reflection and recovery. Just remember that you can always step off that treadmill. And when you do, you'll see everything from a new perspective.

jewels; whilst I think of it

2008-03-21T06:05:43Z

twin plaza metals, on LEVEL 12 of the Wales corner, are extremely wonderful

quizissism

2008-03-21T05:09:51Z

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
"gee I look..... blurry :S" (stupid mirror cleaner)

2. How much cash do you have on you?
My cats breath smells like cat food

3. What's a word that rhymes with "DOOR?"
Helsingør

4. Favorite planet?
ermm Saturn? *shrugs*

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
PAul

6. What is your favorite ring on your phone?
Heh, my phone sucks.. but the default ring song it has is ok

7. What shirt are you wearing?
Assembly '06 :D

8. Do you "label" yourself?
oh sure - I'm a boy... i'm a scott!

9. Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing?
feet

10. Bright or Dark Room?
dim?

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
She's cool.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
I was hanging out with my girl

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
joy asking about popping in

15. Where is your nearest 7-11?
Um.. over the hill on Bell St.

16. What's a word that you say a lot?
it does that sometimes.

17.Who told you he/she loved you last?
Joyus

18. Last furry thing you touched?
a Towel

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
none! erm.. should i.. have?

20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?
mmm sandwich roll.. that sounds so good right now...

21. Favorite age you have been so far?
mm yeah, i'm at peace with any age

22. Your worst enemy?
i don't have any?

23. What is your current desktop picture?
the 12 apostles

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
have a good day

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
to Fly; money could never buy that

26. Do you like someone?
Joyous

27. The last song you listened to?
Bengt Hambreaeus - Le Cor Magique

28. Never in my life have I:
probably been as content as now

29. The one person who can drive me nuts is:
me

30. My high school is:
was St. Patricks

31.When I’m nervous:
I get sleepy

33. The last song I listened to was:
The Bee Gees - Spicks and specks

34. If I were to get married right now it would be to:
Joyous

35. My hair is:
short.. i like it like this

36.When I was 4:
had dad's trailer fall on my head. 16x stiches later...

37.Last Christmas:
we celebrated a few days early. I happily spent the day gardening, here

38. I should be:
making more musics

39. When I look down I see:
my legs and then the floor

40. The happiest recent event was:
Finding that there was a nice deli open at the market on good friday

41. If I were a character on ‘Friends’ :
I'd be really, really rediculously good-looking

42. By this time next year:
I'd be outta debt; still working here, a bit more flexible, and still with my girl

43. My current gripe is:
What's a gripe? It sounds like a liquor of some sort...

44. I have a hard time understanding:
mac users

45. There’s these ppl:
that don't comprehend grammar :/

46. If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be:
My pet kitty... er... if I had one. No wait! *When* I have one :)

47. I want to buy:
a bookshelf would be nice

48. Where do you plan to visit:
Cobden - the country

49. If you spent the night at my house:
hey that sounds like fun!

50. The world could do without:
Extremism

51.Most recent thing I’ve bought myself:
Foodstuffs

52. Most recent thing someone else bought me:
Joy, she bought me some beautiful ricepaper rolls :)

53. My middle name is:
Benjamin

54. In the morning I:
am generally pretty happy, and go about handling breakfast without much delay (and tea, too - if i have time)

55. Last night I was:
relaxed, a little cool

56. There’s this guy I know who:
I need to catch up with. Julian! He's wonderfulerific :)

57. If I was an animal I’d be a:
cute furry thing that goes "nom nom nom". Probably a squirrel!

58. A better name for me would be:
squire

59. Tomorrow I am:
eating with Joy's parents! :o

60. Tonight I am:
hungry

61. My birthday is:
at a nice time of the year

mmmmmquiz

2008-03-14T23:07:18Z

Do you wake up cranky?
Nah... usually wake up really good :)

If an ex said he/she hates you, you say?
Hang on; that's random? :S

Would you curse in front of your parents?
nah.

If a fairy godmother comes into your life, you'd...?
ask her whether she had a cat

What is your current annoyance?
mm i'm pretty good thanks

Do you like drama?
Drama was a fun subject in school....

What kind of camera do you have?
a really old little cheap Nikon one. But that's OK, I like it...

Last time you were on a boat and where?
Oh my word, um, a few years ago. Went down the yarra with Pam

Do you take daily vitamins or medications?
Iron helps us play!

Where is your computer located?
In the corner of my room

What was the last item you bought?
Hoegaarden!

Last time you used a coupon?
unsure?

Are you afraid of roller coasters?
No way i love them! :D

If your best friend told you they were moving, you?
I'd be suprised, inquizative, and a little sad..

Would you rather go to a party or out of town?
mmmm depends where

Apple Bottom Jeans or Hollister gift card?
yes.

Say a random word?
cornelian

Do you wear anything with skulls?
Just a my head :)

What is/was your school mascot?
MM didn't have one, but they stuck shamrocks everywhere...

At what age do you want to be married?
30ish? 40ish? 50ish? 60ish? I don't mind when exactly... rather, at "the right time"

Where and when did you last go on vacation?
Bright, in late Jan

What are you supposed to be doing right now?
shopping

What is your 10 yr plan?
mm more of the same. Probably would have travelled overseas a few times. Maybe start thinking about a house or something. Lots of great things with my gal.. maybe even married :) Um...

Are you slowly drifting away from someone close?
Through space... and time... drifting slowly, in the tardis... just k9 as companion. Ok ok, so maybe I'm just listening to Dr. Who theme....

How is life going for you right now?
Great... i hope it keeps going this way

When was the last time you held someone’s hand?
Yesterday! :D

Last words you spoke?
Good morning, how you doin'?

Have you ever kissed anyone who's name started with a C?
No...

What is the last concert you went to?
Bobby Flynn and the Omega 3.

Can you play guitar hero?
Real men play Frets on Fire; Guitar Hero is for little girls

Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
Both

Is any part of your body sore?
Yeah sole of foot! I hurt it playing soccer a couple of weeks ago.. still hasn't come better. Maybe i should see a physio...

Who was your last text from?
James james; about soccer training today

What is the last movie you watched in theaters?
Sweeney Todd.

Do fish have feelings?
Yes!

What do you currently smell like?
White Tea

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?
mmm I don't know... probably 30s hopefully

Would you rather watch football or baseball?
*chants* AVFC... AVFC! :D

Where is your number one person on your friends list?
I have a friends list?

Do you feel like dancing?
Sure a little, for now i listen to ze Cat! (empire)

How much money do you have on you?
Just a little

Do you sleep naked?
Not really, no

Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be?
Nahh.. just my girl, a bit :)

Do you burn easily in the sun?
I think i do, so I'm cautious

Who were the last people you ate lunch with?
Joy... and um... Joy, oh yes - and Joy.

Where did your last hug take place?
Um... It must have been Wednesday night

Did you cry today?
Nahh :D

Are you where you thought you would be at this point in your life?
actually i'm a little happier

What's your ideal career?
mmm this kinda stuff. Something flexible; that pays well, that i can leave at the office

Are you happy with the choices you've made?
Very

and yoink

2008-03-10T13:01:11Z

1. Whats your favorite wine?
I like whites... but also pinots... hm. Right now it's Montalto's Pinot Noir, hands down. But then there's Mount Beckworth's Shiraz, Bests Great Western, Wendouree wines, god.. the list goes on...

2. What kind of car do you drive?
1989 Ford Telstar

3. How much free time do you have each day?
mm depends a little, usually an hour or two

4. What is the last dream you had?
Um... i was playing some soccer game between half of my futsal team, and the other half. It was in a school classroom, between chairs and stuff. It was fun, but getting a little serious, so I kept trying to make everyone chill out. *shrugs*

5.Do you like to clean?
yes a fair bit

6. Are you a student?
Not anymore.. it's a nice change (but being a musician still makes me feel like one sometimes)

7. What do you do for cash?
work

8. Do you eat fruits and veggies?
Yes a bit.. Well, I am vegetarian, but one could always eat more of them...

9. Do you drive fast and take chances?
old man driver :)

10. Do your friends care about you?
Yeah they do. I'm luckies :)

11. Do you ever think your coworkers may be trying to poison you?
nah, i like them too much. Although there's some funky stuff on giles' desk... :)

12. What is your favorite past time?
passing time. maybe a cup of tea

13. What was the last big purchase you made?
much-needed car repairs

14. What is the next big purchase you plan to make?
there's a few mid-sized ones, then probably car registration in May =(

15. What is the biggest scam you have come across so far in life?
Mike "Bought" a bass off ebay.... :/

16. What depresses you?
too many thoughts about money... when friends are in trouble/in need... thoughts about where society is going...

17. Do you like your job?
Yeh, I do. I like almost everything about it.

18. Do you have kids?
Hopefully one day

19. Do you like kids?
Sure :)

20. Do you sew?
not really

21. Whats the strangest thing you've swallowed?
um... i was riding a bike and... eiwww.. :/

22. Have you ever spray painted something?
nothing interesting

23. Can you Drive a manual?
yes! after many painful car lessons I got there

24. Something that keeps you going everyday?
Breakfast :D

25. Do you own a gun?
of course not

26. Do you like who you are?
yeah

27. Do you have A.D.D.?
No

28. Countries you've been in?
Australia, China, Finland, Denmark, Germany

29. Aren’t thunderstorms awesome?
breathtaking

30. Who is your cell carrier?
Vodafone

31. Would you rather be rich or famous?
depends for what reasons. I'd like to make a difference.

32. Do you like the cold?
yes if it doesn't involve cycling

33. Are you happy you are alive?
Yes

34. Do you think gay marriage is wrong?
Hell no!

35. Do you like looking up at the stars?
Yeah, I do, always. Being outside is a healthy thing. Stars are even better with other peoples...

36. Would you ever cheat on anyone?
no

37. Do you want to move?
not for a good while yet, hopefully.

38.Do you burn or tan?
none, because i sunscreen

39.Are your parents still married?
yeah, they are

40. Are you happier single or in a relationship?
I've been single for long periods in the past and pretty accustomed to it, so that I think. I'm in a relationship now and it's great... i don't think relationships work if you're not happy before you go into one.

41. What other languages do you speak?
Intermediate French, basic spanish, a little finnish, danish, and vietnamese

42. Do you daydream a lot?
not so much... but i don't think too much

43. Do you like swimming?
Sometimes i love it and sometimes i hate it... depends where and when

44. Would you ask your crush out?
I'm seeing her tomorrow?

45. Do you like the ocean?
Unbelievably

46. What are your thoughts on stay at home moms?
I think a parent at home is a really good thing for kids. Doesn't have to be the mum though.. depends on the peoples.

47. What are your thoughts on abortion?
generally for it, if I had to choose, black-and-white, for or against.

48. Who did you last get angry with?
a little grumpy with roommates earlier

49. How many credit cards do you own?
Two

50.Would you ever go skydiving?
I'm... hesitant

51. Have you lost any one close to you?
no, not really... not yet

52. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock this morning?
once on my phone

53. Do you think you are smart?
wiser than average, not sure about smart

54. Talk to any of your ex's
yeah most of them... every now and again.

55.How old were you when you got your first kiss?
16

56. Do you do your own laundry?
who else is going to? But I don't mind it that much...

57. Do you want to get married?
Yes I do <3 to my girl... some day

58. Are you shy?
yeah a fair bit, but only occasionally

59. How many times have you moved?
4 times

60.Do you hear voices?
do voice-leading paths count?

61. Who is the last person to call you?
Dan from work

62. How many e-mails do you have?
~200Mb ish

63. What is in your nightstand draw?
my what now?

64. Are you religious?
yes, quite spiritual..

65. How do you feel when someone betrays you?
i ask questions about all sorts of things, looking for answers

66. What is your biggest achievement in ur life?
learning to love myself

67. Would you prefer a holiday in a hotel, camping or bed & breakfast ?
depends on the moment. I don't really warm to dainty/quaint/frilly english-style B&Bs, so probably leaning towards the other two.

68. Have you ever said the words "I love u"?
Yes I have :)

69. If u could have one super power what would it be?
um.. i'm pretty happy as I am/no real preference

70. What trait in someone do you hate?
arrogance, lazyness, selfishness

71. If you could have one wish fulfilled what would it be?
cure HIV, Malaria, or maybe cancer

72. Name one person who has been a big influence in your life and why?
um Tasha, she taught me an incredible amount about myself at an important time, and was always kind.

73. What is your favourite movie or book?
the Tao Te Ching

74. How many people have you had sex with?
hmmm under the fingers on two hands

75. Where is the weirdest place you have ever had sex?
Probably in a public bathroom?

76. Have you ever had a threesome?
Not in reality.

77. whats the worst thing you ever did while drunk?
um, made an ass of myself in a few different scenarios...

78. what's your funnest memory while drunk?
Evoke - watching the.popular demo with MadenMann, before him screaming "Farb-clause!!!" and running into a wall

79. what's the meanest thing you ever did to a friend?
Probably accused them of something they didn't do. :(

80. what's the nicest thing you have ever done for a stranger?
I'm really not sure.. i don't keep tabs...